Finally, the third thing, what she had actually been trying to find clues of in her reading: there were four different accounts of people entering the door out into the blue meadows, as they were colloquially called. Most had to wander far and for long times before they saw her. But one account had her by the door. She was reading a book despite the dark, her bare feet pointed up in the air. The man who saw her said she had a lot of questions and that she insisted it was impossible for her to go back through the door and it was impossible to be lonely here even when you tried. Don’t worry about me, she said to everyone who met her. Ayanna would read those lines over and over, wondering if, somehow, they were a message meant for her.

7

The morning after their sleepover, Ayanna realized she wanted Olivia to attend her ceremony despite all the obnoxious conversations she would have to have with her parents to make it happen. Olivia was in the kitchen making scrambled eggs and bacon. She was listening to gospel music and humming along in what could have been a kind imitation of their mother.

Ayanna strode into the room doing her best imitation of a hot TV lawyer, confident and deep-voiced, and said, “I’m going to call a family meeting.”

Olivia ignored her and sang louder, trying to hit a note that you truly had to have a blessed throat to even attempt.

“I want you to come to my church’s version of Confirmation.”

Olivia stopped singing. She turned. The silk scarf she was wearing to protect her edges had come a little loose during the night and was looser still from her singing and dramatic gestures. It made her cute in a way that Ayanna felt sure she herself could never be.

“We can make it happen,” Olivia said. She turned back and ground some coffee beans, despite not being allowed to drink coffee. This was for Ayanna. Mom said that coffee was for adults and it could stunt your growth. When she was eighteen, she could do what she liked with her body.