“Here’s my wild thought. Even though things are better, they are so much better, a small part of me still wants you to say that I’m not meant to be alive, that we’re meant to be together. I want you to forgive me. I feel like the only way you can forgive me is if I die too.”

The car was gliding through traffic, missing pedestrians who were stumbling out into the street holding cans of beer in paper bags, pausing at red lights, and her eyes were on Ayanna. They were shining, and Ayanna wondered for the first time if the dead could still cry. And then felt ashamed that of all these years now of seeing the dead, speaking to them, wondering why she was mostly alone in this, she had never considered something like their ability to cry. The air was cold in the car, and Ayanna wished she could hear breaths other than her own. Stay. Please. And if not that, she thought, if I could live the rest of my life in this car, telling you the truth. Stay.

“Promise me you’ll live a long life. Promise me. Ayanna, the only person you can save is yourself.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Because you were looking for an excuse to die for so long. I was so mad at you. You have to live. You deserve to live. And I had to take care of Mom. I know she wasn’t good to you, but I didn’t want her to be alone.”

“You were really there?”

“Mom is a bad listener.”

Ayanna shut her eyes. All this time, she had been so close and so far.

“Don’t be mad,” Olivia said.

“Are you waiting for me?”

“Not really.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“I was born. You were born. I died. You live but don’t live. You live and you will live. I will live again.”