She continued detailing the ways that being told she was like Jesus was a curse instead of a blessing. There was a day when, finally, they read the scripture about Jesus just fucking losing it in the temple. He’s angry about the people turning God’s home into like a mall, was how Jane summarized it. And he knocks over everything, orders people out, he causes a real scene. And it was such a relief to Jane because now there was proof he wasn’t unattainable, that he was a person just like everyone else, someone who could do miracles, and be lovely and warm, but was also capable of upsetting everyone around him and being embarrassing in public.

Ayanna was engrossed in what Jane was saying and in trying to avoid catching Stephen’s gaze. Their friend was feeling bad. There was something a little hilarious to Ayanna, and she suspected to Stephen too, that Jane’s way of wanting to address this problem was drinking a spiritual tea and doing some guided meditations and art instead of talking to them directly or seeing a therapist.

“But our teacher said this is one of the few times where Jesus probably should have used his words or maybe prayed on it for a while.” Jane crossed her arms. “And that was kind of the end of faith for me. But there were months where I was floating away, only thinking about kindness and goodness. I want to be in that state again for even just five minutes.”

Ayanna thought that was impossible now that Jane was an adult but didn’t see the point of saying the thought aloud.

“Have you considered MDMA?” Stephen asked. “Jacob would give you a reasonable price.”

“Also,” Jane continued, “I got thrown out of school in seventh grade for kissing Ivy Simmons after a basketball game, and it made my parents send me to live with my aunt. I want to feel like I did before the moments I got caught with Ivy. Big and, like, beloved and blessed.”

Stephen squeezed Jane’s shoulder. “Okay. Let’s try.” He looked around the room. “Is this spiritual enough, though?”

Later, whenever people were surprised Ayanna was friends with Stephen, she always thought about this moment. The way his eyes were so tender to Jane, how it was clear to Ayanna that deep down he thought this was so, so stupid but he was willing to let his friend do something stupid and safe to make herself feel better. Ayanna had forgotten the grace that comes with deep relationships. The way things no longer were a waste of time when done in the service of making a beloved one feel a little more at home in the world.