‘I can’t bear …’

‘Don’t walk away, Will. I didn’t mean to …’

He’s not sure why he’s crying. Or why he’s shaking so much. But he does know that it’s not the sort of thing he should be doing in front of a girl.

‘Come on, Will,’ she calls out to him, her own voice faltering.

Will has lost face here. He’s lost all semblance of manliness, of dignity. In this instant, with nothing left to lose, he forgets to censor himself. He forgets to find his own feelings ridiculous. He forgets to be an actor. He is, instead, accidentally real.

‘I think … I think I love you. Sorry.’

‘What?’

‘I love you.’

‘Don’t be stupid, Will.’ She’s really motoring now, trying to keep up. ‘That’s ridiculous. You don’t even know me.’

Will snivels, great strings of snot sagging like phone lines, joining his face to his sleeve.

‘Don’t tell me I’m wrong,’ he snaps. ‘You don’t get to tell me I don’t. Sorry. I don’t mean to be in love with you. I just fucking am. All right?’

‘Why?’ She stands in front of him, halting his progress.

‘Please don’t laugh at me.’

‘It’s silly, Will. Love! It even sounds silly.’

‘You’re right. It is silly.’

‘Tell me. How can you love me?’ She shakes her head. ‘That’s crazy. No one could …’

‘Yeah, crazy. Forget I said anything.’

‘Will!’

‘I don’t even know what I used to think about. Before you. You’re what I think about, like, all the time. Whenever there’s nothing else to think about, anyway. Stop laughing.’

‘I’m just fascinated. Go on. Please, go on.’

‘And everything’s kind of exciting now. School, walking to the beach, whatever. Just because you might – because I might, I don’t know, run into you. Stuff’s exciting because you fucking exist! That’s so weird. I’m so fucking weird, aren’t I?’

April passes a handful of tissues to Will from her bag. ‘Not weird, Will.’

‘I know you’ll never love me back or anything. Don’t worry. I am cool with that. I’m not a complete idiot.’

April looks at the ground.

Will noisily blows his nose, stopping himself passing the well-soiled tissue back to her. ‘I should go. Before I make more of a tit of myself. School tomorrow. Well, today, really.’

‘Fuck it, it’s Friday now. Who cares?’

‘Sorry for being such a weirdo.’

‘Stop it.’ April puts her arms round Will and squeezes, waiting patiently while he works out where to put his own arms. He hugs her back.

‘Such a weirdo,’ Will keeps mumbling.

‘We’re all weirdos,’ she whispers in his ear.

How long is too long to hug someone for? Will is wondering, the perfection of this moment diluted only by the knowledge that he’ll at some point have to let go.