Was this how apologies went? This was horrible. I wanted to shrivel up and die. I wanted to run the other way. I wanted to be eaten by the yeti.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Thanks,” he said.

“And I also wanted to say—you know the thing you said about—something happening between us?”

“Oh, God, do we really need to relive that?”

“I just wanted to say that it wasn’t all in your head. But, I just…”

“What is it?” he said.

“There was someone else,” I said. “That’s why I could never really… I should have told you earlier. It’s stupid, I know. I wish there were some magic potion I could take, or some way I could just, change my mind, because like, you’re you, you could have literally anyone, and I’m me, and I don’t understand why I can’t just… I want to want…”

“Celia,” he said gently. “It’s okay. Hey. We had a good summer, didn’t we? Maybe in another life.”

“What if for now, we say we’re friends?” I said.

“Friends,” he said, and he smiled, like that wouldn’t be the worst fate in the world. “I wouldn’t mind being friends with you, Celia Gilbert.”

“I wouldn’t mind being friends with you, either,” I said.

It wasn’t how the big Power Jam speeches ended, with a big kiss to punctuate everything, confetti shot from a cannon. It wasn’t even an ending, really—it was more a bend in the road. But it was ours, and it was real.

“How’d it go?” Phoebe said.

“Okay, I think. You kind of expect apologizing to fix everything, but to be honest, I still don’t feel very good.”

“I’d be shocked if you did,” said Phoebe. “But it went okay?”

“He said he wants to be friends.”

“That sounds ideal,” said Phoebe.

“I think it is,” I said.

“You ready to make stuff?”

I was. I couldn’t make everything perfect, but at the very least, I could make enough pom-poms that the yeti would look wondrous.

Footnote

23 Season three would turn out to be the best season yet. Blade’s murder attempt on his brother is revealed to be a dream sequence; Kenna and Louisa break up only to get back together with Blade’s help in fabulously dramatic fashion during a match, as in, while they’re on skates trying to crush the other team; and Eva, of the season-two premiere, shows back up and turns out to be a great match for Blade. She manages to bring out his human side even as she conducts an underground drug ring using her rugby for cover. Blade proves himself to be instrumental to the team’s success, and they all lift him onto their shoulders after the championship match, celebrating the man who was a villain not two seasons ago.

JUMPING IN,
or On Waiting for Guys