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Chapters (60)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Personae
  4. I: Early Days
  5. One. Control
  6. Two. Doubt
  7. Three. Fate
  8. Four. Same
  9. Five. Fine Arts
  10. Six. In Loco Parentis
  11. Seven. Settling
  12. Eight. Neighbors
  13. Nine. Prospects
  14. Ten. The Lucky
  15. Eleven. Instruction
  16. Twelve. Same
  17. Thirteen. This Is a Pipe
  18. Fourteen. This Is Not a Pipe
  19. Fifteen. The Reason
  20. Sixteen. That Person
  21. Seventeen. Predictably
  22. II: Writing Teacher
  23. Eighteen. Early Poems
  24. Nineteen. Motivation
  25. Twenty. Allegory
  26. Twenty-One. Grief
  27. Twenty-Two. A Portrait
  28. Twenty-Three. Veils
  29. Twenty-Four. Soft Power
  30. Twenty-Five. Lists
  31. Twenty-Six. A Break
  32. Twenty-Seven. Elsewhere
  33. Twenty-Eight. Custom
  34. Twenty-Nine. Parity
  35. Thirty. Fortune
  36. III: Volta
  37. Thirty-One. Images
  38. Thirty-Two. A Very Interesting Young Man
  39. Thirty-Three. Letters
  40. Thirty-Four. We Prefer to See Ourselves Living
  41. Thirty-Five. Love
  42. Thirty-Six. The Iceberg
  43. IV: Your Best Reader
  44. Thirty-Seven. A Novelist
  45. Thirty-Eight. In Advance of the Broken Arm
  46. Thirty-Nine. Their Penultimate Encounter
  47. Forty. Détente
  48. Forty-One. Worlds
  49. Forty-Two. Recognition
  50. Forty-Three. Persistence
  51. Forty-Four. And Then
  52. Forty-Five. Mingling
  53. Forty-Six. You
  54. Forty-Seven. Persona
  55. Forty-Eight. Est et Non
  56. Forty-Nine. The Author
  57. Epilogue
  58. Afterword: The Libertine
  59. Acknowledgments
  60. About the Authors

It’s not that Loudermilk is suddenly successfully doing the Groucho voice or moving his eyebrows or anything like that, but he seems momentarily so much more convincingly Groucho-esque than ever before. It’s as if he’s leaning, like, a mile out of the fake glasses. It’s as if he, too, is experiencing this weird plane of private mental ecstasy along which all of Groucho’s characters seem, magnetically and maniacally, to float. Or: the analogy holds for a second, but then it’s gone, because Loudermilk is off, bobbing through the party like he is the best friend a party ever had.

Other revelers seek comfort at the bar. They are reaching around and muttering and giggling. There is a black cat with grease-paint whiskers, an Olympic gymnast, a dude with a potbelly dressed as a bumblebee. Harry shuts his eyes and backs away from the table.

Harry’s not paying very good attention, obviously he’s not, there’s just a lot going on that he could process if he cared to, that he could make sense of, perceive, if he wanted to, if he cared to involve himself in any of it. But all of this, the party and its din, its chatter, has no use for him. It has never understood a word that Harry’s said, so why should Harry, in a room full of strangers, suddenly want to tamper with it? This—this floaty and vaguely inebriated misery that Harry’s currently in—is just the way things work.

Harry is still moving backward when his head contacts a wall with a painful crack Harry is certain must be audible throughout the room. He stays standing exactly where he is, skull throbbing, and prays that everyone else is so wasted plus self-absorbed that they are either going to be uninterested in the event that produced this noise or assume that it is a result of their own Seminars-approved imaginations.

Harry groans, as waves of pain slosh ominously up the back of his skull. Stillness, he reasons, may be the only first aid available. There’s the additional unpleasant fact that Loudermilk’s university health insurance will cover only the body of Loudermilk, no matter what happens to this body’s rather more compound mind, a significant portion of which is housed in Harry’s dome.

This is when Harry hears, at his left, a low voice, a female voice: “That had to hurt.”

Cautiously, Harry nods. He feels tears form at the corners of his eyes.

“Wow. I bet.” The speaker is not exactly sympathetic, but at least her assessment is accurate.

Harry wants to turn and examine the source of these words, but he knows that motion will lead to additional cascading signals of trauma, so he stays put.

“Don’t move. Maybe I can get you ice,” the voice says.