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Back Losers: Part I Save as PDF
Chapters (58)
  1. Table of Contents
  2. Content Note
  3. A Note From The Author
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. Acknowledgements
  57. Also By Harley Laroux
  58. About The Author

Jason was watching me, his arms slack at his sides. For once, that icy gaze wasn’t so sharp. Vincent squeezed me closer, leaning over to kiss the side of my head. “Okay. I get it. You’re right. I guess we can’t really try to shield you from this when it’s right in front of you.”

He let me go, and I looked back at Lucas. His jaw was clenched, his posture rigid.

“We’re used to dealing with things on our own,” he said. I walked back to him, laying my hands on his tightly folded arms.

“After yesterday,” I said softly, “I think I made it clear that I consider myself a part of we.” His expression faltered, torn between accepting it or automatically denying it. “We are dealing with this on our own. I’m dealing with it too.”

He looked down at me, and his face finally cracked. He shook his head with a heavy sigh.

“You’ve got to be the most hardheaded woman I’ve ever met,” he grumbled. “And I don’t think you have much sense at all trying to be so damn involved…”

“Just tell her she earned your respect and go fucking find Manson,” Jason yelled from the kitchen.

Lucas’s lips pressed tightly together. He didn’t need to say out loud what Jason had demanded. It was clear enough to me.

“Come on.” He took my hand again. “I know where he’ll go.”

51

51

Manson

It was shame that drove me out of the house. Shame for falling apart, letting my boys down when I should have been present. For letting Jess down, when she should never have been brought into this mess in the first place.

I’d let her see me lose control. I never did that, but of course when I finally broke, she had to be there to witness it.

Violence was like an infection inside me that I couldn’t dig out. I couldn’t fight something that was in my blood, seared into my brain through years of repeated exposure. I couldn’t change the mold I’d been formed by, and failure felt inevitable.

The dirt road in front of our house led either to Route 15, or to a dead end. It was the dead end I walked toward, my boots kicking up dust as I went. I slipped past the metal barrier at the end of the road and into the trees, the path overgrown with weeds. The way still felt familiar, even though it had been a few years since I’d gone back here.

Places held memories, and most of mine were bad. This quiet spot back in the trees used to be where I came for peace, but over the years, it had come to feel more like a place to hide. Somewhere I could run away to when I couldn’t face reality.

Coward. Fucking pussy. Running away like a pathetic little bitch.