I resisted the urge to cover my face with my hands and scream. My “little internship” was with the Smith-Davies Architectural Design Firm, one of the best on the east coast. I spent my mornings in the gym before I came home and got to work, filling out spreadsheets and answering my boss’s emails. It was all remote work and it didn’t pay much, but at least it was getting my foot in the door. If I could nail my six-month review, there was a good chance I could turn this part-time internship into a full-time career.

I had to do something to get myself back out of Wickeston. Smith-Davies’ main office was in New York City, and if I was brought on full time, I’d move there in a heartbeat.

Trying to tell Mom this went in one ear and out the other. She spotted someone across the parking lot and waved, leaning close to me to say far too loudly, “Oh, look! That’s Julie’s oldest son. You remember him, don’t you? Robert?”

“I literally haven’t seen him since first grade,” I said, staring at the tall, vaguely familiar guy helping direct the younger kids working the car wash line. “He threw up at my birthday party because he ate his cake too fast.”

Mom made a disgusted face. “Mm, that’s right. I forgot about that. Well, he has a younger brother. Joshua, I think. Oh, there’s Julie. She and her husband are talking about getting a divorce again, bless her heart. Hi, Julie! Honey, so good to see you! How’s the family?” And just like that, Mom was away, off to play matchmaker while I very alluringly washed cars.

I couldn’t explain to her the real reason I was so disinterested in dating. But the bar had been set for me in the worst way possible, and now I didn’t feel satisfied with anything less.

If a guy couldn’t play with my masochism as enthusiastically as he played with my pleasure, then I didn’t want it. There simply wasn’t a nice way to tell your mother that you wanted a guy who could spank you as well as he could fuck. A man who was as comfortable with whips and chains as he was at candlelit dinners. Someone who wasn’t afraid to take control but wasn’t going to make the relationship feel like a cage.

Was I asking for too much? Probably. But I’d been demanding too much for my whole life and I wasn’t going to stop now.

Problematically, I’d already found people who met those qualifications. Four of them, actually, and they were all still here in Wickeston.

If explaining my kinky desires to my mom was bad, then broaching the subject of these four men would probably get me disowned. Tattooed guys with bad reputations and some slight criminal history would not be good enough for her little girl.

It didn’t matter anyway. I hadn’t spoken to any of them since the day after that Halloween party.