at fine wine & good spirits, someone had spilled something and they were mopping it up. i said ‘that would be a good game, ‘guess that smell of that alcohol.” ex-boyfriend said it was white wine. i said ‘no, it’s one of those weird cupcake-y things. one of those things i always say i’m going to buy. i’m going to actually buy one of those things this time.’ he said ‘okay’ excitedly, kind of. i selected a bottle of something apparently brandless, with a beach graphic on a label that said ‘i’m coconuts for you.’ ex-boyfriend said he had tried it at an in-store tasting and liked it. there was a long line.

returned to apartment. ex-boyfriend fixed dinner while i typed most of this. ate around 9:15PM.

during dinner we listened to hall & oates and said things about the ‘i’m coconuts for you’ bottle. read everything on the bottle. the bottle seems insane.

10:18PM: can hear him reading, drinking whiskey, sighing sometimes in bedroom. i’m in the next room, ‘the living room,’ where we keep the TV and a couch. the rooms are small, like 13’ × 6’, just narrow enough to maneuver around furniture. looks like they were just squeezed in to the renovations or something. hastily separated doors. maximum tiny room tolerance. someone thought it would make more money as a ‘technically’ two-bedroom apartment, for families.

there is a lot more i want to be saying…a lot i’m leaving out…distracted. i’m downloading ‘the fighter.’ we have plans to watch ‘the fighter.’

MARCH 24, 2013

2:02AM: kept pausing movie to say funny things to each other. am sort of drunk now. just had heated argument with ex-boyfriend about things like the show ‘girls’ and thought catalog being ‘bad art’ or something. felt something big in my chest now saying like, ‘it doesn’t matter what you do, just, no matter what you do, as long as you find something you like, you’re going to die, everyone’s just trying to do the best they can, it doesn’t matter,’ (don’t remember what i said). he said ‘i drank beer in brooklyn, i know what it’s like, that show is made for people who are afraid of something (…), it caters to people’s ideas and fears about post-college life’ and i said ‘it doesn’t matter, enough people like it, i’ve felt stuff like the people on the show feel, maybe it’s stupid but maybe for some people that’s real, it doesn’t matter, if it entertains people then so what, we’re just all trying to do the best we can.’ repeated ‘we’re all just trying to do the best we can’ maybe three times. said ‘i’ve had enough of this, this is stupid, i can’t talk to you if you think like this’ and left and am in living room now.