12:42am: Alec said something funny about a song being Elliott smith earlier. Listening to Elliott smith now. I’m most attracted to depressed hopeless people with no futures who don’t like me much. Not because I think ‘oh I can save you,’ because I’m depressed and hopeless and don’t care about my future and don’t like myself. I don’t think either thing I just said was accurate, but…you could say those things are accurate…looking at my life…I guess.

‘Put down that mouse. You can come see rare Mexican wolves.’ –billboard feat. picture of wolves that I just passed.

1:15am: listening to mix-cd from 2004. Scream/sang along to bright eyes and q and not u. Was really into q and not u for a period. I like their drumming and how often every song changes. A lot of different sounding parts in each song. I was so young when I made this cd. 18 or 19. I am only ‘the older age you can be in a year’ from October 15-December 31. Every year. So I always seem a little younger. Have probably seen q and not u play more than any other band. Aloha or q and not u. I miss old me…little happy drug-free show-going shithead…with funny male friends…before I had sex with all my funny male friends and so I liked all of us more…‘I guess this is growing up’-blink182

Now radiohead is playing who the hell was I Jesus. I like when he goes ‘ill laugh ubtil my head comes off’ and ‘this is really happening’ in this song, forget what song is called, remember like, waiting on those parts to come up…waiting to relish in those parts of the song, so I could sing along with ‘thom yorke’ eyes. Thom yorke should start a newspaper called ‘the Thom Yorker’ big bucks in that get on it googly eyes!

1:27am: now ‘admit it’ by say anything is on. Did anyone else like say anything? Forgot I was into this stuff, my ‘can’t do it’ quoting friend and I used to drive around singing along to this stuff.

Taking back Sunday holy shit

Having emotional moment

2:27am: a little lost. I don’t know what road this is, near Jamaica ave, which I know from Pizza Hut/taco bell das racist song.

2:58am: walking to apartment have to pee badly.

2:59–5:31PM: don’t remember what i did.

nothing i want to do really.

if anyone reading has thought ‘there is a crucial error she is missing, something would be better if she knew/did [whatever] differently’ and you think i’m not aware of the thing, please tell me. if you want to be anonymous you can ask say it on ask.fm. if you want. anything would be appreciated, any thoughts. that sounds…i’m not…miserable…not trying to be funny either…just stuck or something, i don’t know. michael scott.

5:33–11:59PM: don’t remember most of this. think i started recording acapella cover of ‘take ecstasy with me’ by magnetic fields. ate an amount of oxycodone or xanax or both.