•  when i’m crying sounds like a dialogue between ‘hal’ from ‘2001’ and the shoe from ‘who framed roger rabbit’ before the evil guy lowers it into the vat of liquid that destroys cartoons

•  why are they all cartoons…what the hell…interesting…

•  goldie hawn (felt pressured to think of an actual person, think my speaking voice just sounds like her)

•  the voice my friend brian and i used to do when we’d ‘do the voice’ of my dog, lady (kind of like the ‘belly voice’ jerry seinfeld would want to ‘do’ to his girlfriend’s belly when she was sleeping)

6:17AM: oh great it’s morning again time to turn out the lights…almost…shit. no, not going to sleep. will be zany sleepless megan around alec today. everything will be fine. but then, even if it’s not? still okay.

1:29PM: don’t want to talk about it. goddamnit. haha. haha. like nelson. wish my keyboard would make a sound like nelson going ‘haha’ when i’d type. or like. just sometimes. random intervals, to keep me guessing. having weird period-like cramping again but it is way past my period and no way i’m pregnant.

have been listening to ‘what that was’ by majical cloudz on repeat since sometime last night. sad pretty song. sad in the dollar store way but it’s not like a dollar store, not depressing. it like, has the yearning of a dollar store. the quiet forgotten yearning of a dollar store.

which is all to say: this is why i think dentistry is scam. fake industry. totally made-up. what, your teeth are going to fall out? seriously? come on you just wanted to be another kind of doctor and they hadn’t invented ‘tooth doctor’ yet, come on. jig is up. fake ass ‘d.d.s.’ jig is up. you know it’s just ‘d.d.s.’ because they were still in the process of figuring out how to spell ‘dentist’ and gave up. that’s like if i was ‘megan boyle, a.a.s.d.f.a.d.f.a.d.f.s.d.f.’ in fact that is me. that is what i am, that is my suffix. i am a special kind of doctor. i specialize in helping people find the best angles to tilt their heads. fuck you this is important. tilt specialist. licensed certified full tilt specialist, a.a.s.d.f.a.d.f.a.d.f.s.d.f. if you think this is bullshit, fine. just don’t come crying to me when that far-right corner of your ceiling suddenly disappears from your peripheral vision.

1:37PM: i don’t feel like going back in time to talk about how a few nights ago i ‘went all out’ and bought a lot of carbs. have not even mentioned that i’ve eaten a box of cereal since then. oh my heavens.

shit i want to do laundry before i see alec. also showering: major issue, must address. major. oh my heavens. alright guess i’ll get this shitshow on the road. here we go. heavens. my heavens.

wait before i do that, i want to…

IMPORTANT THING:

•  it doesn’t help to write to-do lists in this.