people don’t really talk about the smiths much, in contrast to a period in my life where some of my close friends were into them.

i like them. i like morrissey. what the hell is with morrissey. what is that thing. gotta love him. i have told msword to stop capitalizing ‘morrissey’ three times but it keeps doing it, i feel like that’s morrissey’s fault, he’s doing that. gotta love him. what a polarizing fellow. morrissey and DFW: polarizing. that means they’re doing something right, i think. think i feel a default interest in anything that seems polarizing due to not really knowing what i like/want…interested in things that cause strong feelings in people…no, not accurate, i’m not interested in religion or politics. also i know what i like/want. i think. mostly. shit i don’t know. what i’m doing right now is…i’m trying to make up an idea about myself. i think people do this easily. they’re like ‘hey, i’m [this thing].’ guess i did make up an idea like that: ‘hey, i’m…i don’t know.’

whew!

3:22AM: chewing 30mg adderall IR with incisors. alvie made a nasty stank poop. laid one hell of a grecian urn.

5:20AM: hearing voice of [omitted] in my head saying ‘is the liveblog getting in the way of other ways you could be being productive?’ not his voice. it’s not my voice. voiceless thing. wish my inner monologue had a definite voice. sometimes i remember people’s voices or like, if i’m tired or zany/lighthearted i’ll ‘hear’ a voice pop in. going to try to discern the voice of the thing doing the thinking…the baseline voice of that thing…i don’t like when people say ‘voice’ when they talk about like, ‘the voice of this story.’ i’m not talking about that. er. kind of. you could say i’m talking about that i guess. what i’m wanting to talk about is the actual…if my inner monologue could speak the way i can talk, how would that voice sound. you would think ‘it would sound like my talking voice,’ i bet. but no. when i hear a recording of my speaking voice it’s never like ‘oh yeah, that’s me.’ they showed this really well in ‘being john malkovitch,’ when someone is inside the malkovitch and looking through his eyes and his voice is sort of muffled and vibrating. contains more bass.

WHAT VOICES MY INNER MONOLOGUE SOUNDS LIKE (IT’S LIKE A COMBINATION OF THESE, IF YOU COULD COMBINE THESE THINGS INTO A NEUTRAL VOICELESS THING WHICH IS ALSO SOMEHOW ABLE TO TALK):

•  john arbuckle (surprised that’s the first thing that came up. john from ‘garfield.’ haha)

•  daria (monotonous qualities more than sarcastic qualities)

•  batty from ‘fern gully’ (voiced by robin williams jesus…i’m just listing these as they come up)

•  keep picturing an inhumanly beautiful faceless slender man who is like, just out of reach, who kind of wants me to touch him but is content with—‘being wispy,’ i thought

•  the ‘ringo’ character from ‘yellow submarine’ but not british