door buzzed for comically long time. thought ‘good, he is prepared for my slow-motion door opening, he knows this about me already. maybe. do i open doors slowly? no, i just have a fear of getting locked in places, i move fast, he doesn’t know any of this about me i don’t think, he’s just being considerate’ while walking up stairs

his door was open. lighting in my memory is ‘dusky.’ duskily lit apartment. nice. safe-feeling. he showed me a video he made of me walking up to his apartment and him saying my name and me not knowing where to look. i said ‘oh my god’ and felt a big smiley thing and we were standing close together. would pull back my face from kissing sometimes and i’d be smiling and he’d be smiling. said little compliments and ‘happy you’re here’ and ‘do you want a glass of wine’ things mid-kissing. had sex on the couch for maybe 20 minutes. took a break via sweatiness. after a few minutes of laying limply on each other and breathing similarly [omitted] said ‘how about that glass of wine?’ asked him what music was playing. he said ‘the knife. this album’s weird.’ i said something about it sounding like the level of the ocean where there’s just anglerfish with light-up things bumping into each other. later the music changed and i said ‘more like dolphins now’ and he said ‘yeah, we’ve moved up several layers of the ocean, closer to the surface.’ not remembering exact words.

JUNE 20, 2013

2:27am: [omitted] is making food. I’m not supposed to see what it is but I saw. Have been sitting on his couch drinking wine since sex. Feel calm and nice. Earlier [omitted] sat next to me carrying cigarettes and ashtray. I said ‘let’s make a bet, bets are fun.’ he said ‘okay, what do you want to bet?’ He lit cigarette. I said ‘one time Zachary and I bet each other a hundred dollars we wouldn’t do drugs or drink alcohol. Then I lost after like, three days,’ thinking something about how I was smoking an e-cigarette and how [omitted] had said he wanted to stop smoking, ‘but that wasn’t fun.’ he smiled and made a face and said ‘yeah, that doesn’t sound like a fun bet.’ i said ‘let’s bet we can’t say the other person’s name. The first one to say the other person’s name loses. But like, I can say ‘Megan;’ you can’t.’

Conditions of the bet we agreed on:

•  loser pays $1.25 (via it’s annoying to get change for $2)

•  you can’t ask the other person for change

•  you have either three minutes or can go to three stores to get correct change

•  can get out of the ‘change thing’ by saying the name three more times and making it $5 you owe the other person