9:39am: snorted remaining heroin I had left in baggie.

10:19am: pictured camera showing Zachary’s gravestone: ‘this man had impeccable taste’ (his life as…that’s all he wants people to know, that’s the only thing he wants to hear…what he’s aiming for…), zooming out to show the city, state, country, earth, solar system, galaxy, universe, billions of years of space.

10:51am: inserted ‘broken english’ dvd after concluding movie download would ‘take forever.’ felt interested in all three automatically playing previews and dreaded watching movie when main menu loop began to play. Pressed ‘play.’ snorted more heroin during opening scene—parker posey getting ready for a party alone in an expensive-seeming one-bedroom Brooklyn apartment (which, at the time I first saw the movie, some time in 2008, I identified as ‘affordable,’ ‘modest,’ ‘like a place I could someday live’)—and remembered finishing the second half of it with Tao, seeing it for the first time, on one of our MacBooks on my bed in my Baltimore apartment in 2011. I asked him what he thought about it and he paused and looked to the side and said ‘her despair seemed believable.’ abandoned movie to do ‘thing I forgot I wanted to do before I re-watched movie.’ have been re-reading ‘Taipei.’

11:18AM: vomited. brushed teeth and started typing above update, which seems ‘obviously influenced’ by style of ‘taipei.’

12:10PM: vomited again. have been alternating between making a ‘HOW SHOULD I UPDATE THIS’ poll, typing in this document, emails to jordan and tao. texted matthew donahoo pictures.

12:16PM: feel extremely nauseated and droopy, like can’t believe i’m able to type at this speed. heart feels faster and slower at the same time. like, louder. eyes are crossing. effort to keep eyes un-crossed currently. skin is itchy. also feels smooth. unsure if white noise thing i’m hearing from outside is the air conditioners in the building next to me or the ocean.

1:02PM: here is the poll (and its results):

HOW SHOULD I TYPE ABOUT MAY 31–JUNE 2:

•  largely unedited update of everything typed on my iphone; elaborate on details later [RESULT: 3 VOTES]

•  update from the perspective of ‘now (sunday afternoon): remembering what happened from thursday night until now (sunday afternoon)’ [RESULT: 6 VOTES]

•  largely unedited update of everything typed on my iphone; leave ‘as is’/no elaborations [RESULT: 5 VOTES]

•  ‘forget’ the time period from thursday night (stopped updating) until 8:11AM today (resumed updating w/a frequency i want to continue) [RESULT: 3 VOTES]

•  wait to update until i’ve elaborated on things so they look like i was updating chronologically the whole time [RESULT: 2 VOTES]

•  Give detailed explanation of feelings and events that caused you not to update [SOMEONE ELSE WROTE THIS, RESULT: 1 VOTE]

•  Other [RESULT: 1 VOTE]

12:24PM: starting to worry about overdosing, accidental overdose. got a sugar-free red bull from fridge via ‘seems good to stay awake and wait this out, just stay awake as long as you can.’ marathon staying awake. feels very hard. shit. started to typ.e ‘if i start reading or watching the movie again i’ll definitely fall as[i know i’ll just fall asleep for a little bit]