12:37–3:[something]AM: talked with juliet on skype. there were technical difficulties at first, video-related. she asked ‘are you the most depressed you’ve ever felt’ and i said ‘yeah’ and laughed. eventually couldn’t see her at all, due to video issues on my end. she said ‘i’ll just be like this ghost’ and i said i’d probably feel more able/comfortable answering things like that. she said ‘if you’re uncomfortable talking about some things we can just keep it light, i don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.’ i said something about how i felt my face blushing but that i thought it was interesting to feel uncomfortable and i wanted to be asked uncomfortable questions. ate 1mg xanax. it’s easy/fun to riff with juliet. interested in her life and look forward to video interview time. i told her ‘you’re one of the only people i talk to’ and she said ‘why?’ and i said ‘because…you asked me, and…it’s easy,’ grinning like an idiot. she said ‘why don’t you talk to other people?’ she mentioned wanting to experiment with liveblogging for three days for the interview. encouraged her to do it right now and didn’t think she would, but she has been all night.

3:20AM: standing in pickles & pies. Unanticipated ‘after bar crowd’ is in a loud college-looking grouping in line in front of me. That poppy blue-grass-y song that goes ‘I will wait I will wait for you’ is playing. Girl in jean skirt is ‘jamming’ to it, performing her jamming to tall uninterested friend beside her. She said ‘you know how hard he’s playing right now?’

3:22AM: cashier with majestic orb of hairnetted black hair, who said ‘you younger than you look’ and ‘don’t drink too much’ twice to me the other day, is behind the sandwich counter.

Exchanged glances that felt like they meant ‘you’re not one of the bar people, good, I will help you soon’ and ‘I understand, take your time.’ Compassionate ass glances with majestic hair orb. Love the hair orb man. Watched him carry a large bag of frozen fries and dump them into a fryer, then get a pad of paper and walk to me without looking. Felt intimate. Understanding ‘now it is time to tell me your sandwich.’ Ordered ‘reuben on a roll with thousand island and mustard. And that’s all.’ he didn’t look up from paper.

Put cherries, mangoes, lime, ‘sugar-free ruggelah-like date product,’ apricots, six-pack amber woodchuck cider into metal carrier and stood by the sandwich counter. Watched ‘jean jacket jamming girl’ maybe argue with ‘tall uninterested friend’ in peripheral vision and tried to listen but it was too quiet and fast.