thai rock looked permanently closed but i could hear restaurant noises. a guy was smoking on a porch. i said ‘h-iii, do you know where i go for pick-up?’ he gestured like ‘hold on’ and opened the door. a woman holding a plastic bag said ‘hello, $28.’ and i handed her my credit card. she said ‘oh no we take cash only.’ i said ‘oh no, i’ll go to an ATM, i’m sorry.’ she said ‘no you come back tomorrow.’ i said ‘are you serious?’ my face felt big. she said ‘yeah, you come back tomorrow.’ i shook her hand and said ‘i will, i give you my word.’ she and the smoking man looked at me. we were all smiling a little.

parked on 115th st. mom called. i had to walk backwards so she could hear me over the wind. she said ‘oh honey, that’s so great, how are all these strangers giving you money?’ i said ‘i don’t know, i’m gonna get it someday.’ she said ‘what?’ i said ‘i’ll probably get it, i’ll get what’s coming to me.’ mom said ‘what?’ i said ‘nothing nothing, can i call you when i get home?’ she said ‘i can’t hear you, i think it’s too windy, why don’t you give me a call later?’ i yelled ‘okay i’ll call you later, i love you.’ she said ‘i love you too.’

a hulking gender-neutral presence in embroidered jeans stood with its back turned to me at the ATM. withdrew $60. the deli entrance was blocked by a man who seemed bored and totally capable of doing something with wet concrete that usually requires a team. the man behind the counter said ‘watch your step’ as i stepped over the concrete-fixer man, who didn’t look up. the counter man said ‘how are you’ unconvincingly and i mumbled ‘yeah.’ brought six-pack of blue moon to cash register.

the counter man said ‘you smell nice.’ i was like ‘wiggitywiggity’ but tried not to show it. i said ‘oh jeez, i’m surprised you can smell anything, it’s so windy.’ he said ‘i know, it’s real windy out.’ i said ‘have a nice night’ and he handed me change and said ‘you too.’ stepped over the concrete-fixer man and said ‘thank you’ meekly, as a placeholder phrase for ‘when you step over someone.’ he didn’t look up.

11:36PM: called mom when i got inside. she told me things about crissy. i was happy she called. part of the argument…the other night…i had said ‘it seems like you’re not interested because you don’t call.’ she said ‘i want to call, i think you don’t want me to.’ i said ‘i always say i want you to and you never call, you never believe me.’

MAY 26, 2013

1:37AM: called masha to re-enact dialogue from g.i. joe public service announcement. recorded video of us talking for a long time.

9:03AM: woke worried about sleeping through calls. missing social event of the century.