12:49PM: going to use this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to tell the world i don’t care about craft beer, but i also don’t care about ‘anti-craft beer,’ like, ‘reclaiming shitty beer as cool american heritage beer,’ or any beer

also don’t care about wine

also don’t care about coffee

what are other things people care about…

i don’t care about macs vs. pcs

i generally don’t care about the quality of things

1:52PM: what else

2:01PM: i don’t care about lateness

2:03PM: i don’t care about being ‘female,’ that’s a big one people care about

2:24PM: walked to kitchen to recharge e-cigarette battery, thinking something like “umbilical’ and ‘unbiblical’ are similar. more could be said about this. ‘unbiblical cord.” the bagel mom offered me yesterday was still in the toaster. i said ‘they call it ‘smoke juice.” mom laughed like a heiress having a ‘marvelous time’ at a gala, then said ‘yeah.’ i said ‘smoke juice.’ she said ‘what are you saying?’ i said ‘the people—‘johnson creek,’ it’s called, i think—that make this [gestured with e-cigarette], they call the insides ‘smoke juice.” mom said ‘they call what?’ i said ‘the water, the liquid nicotine stuff. in here. i like it: ‘smoke juice.’ it sounds cool.’ mom laughed the same way and said ‘oh, that is cool.’

2:41PM: afraid to drive to NYC. want to keep partying with mom. planning to going to naval recruitment office monday.

5:12pm: heard movement in the kitchen after maybe ten minutes of silence, then mom’s voice, sounding both distracted and consoling, say ‘soon it’ll seem like nothing.’

5:23pm: re-toased bagel while mom put away groceries. Spread cream cheese and said ‘I know you’re embarrassed and anxious about me writing about you and you don’t want to read it yet but I just want you to know you have nothing to be embarrassed about, you’re my best friend.’ mom said ‘oh-ho-ho. Oh no. You’re my best friend too Meggie, since you came into my life.’ Felt heat behind my face and it was hard to stop looking at cream cheese. Gave mom big hug.

Mom took a box of toothpaste from a grocery bag and walked to me. She said ‘now, do you know how long it took me to find this? I figured out it has to say the color, it has to say ‘radiant white,’ it has to say it’s white. Because I bought this other kind and it was blue, there was all this blue gook everywhere, yuck. I know it doesn’t matter but I just think that’s not what whitening toothpaste is supposed to be! And then I made the mistake of buying this other kind that turned out to be ‘psychedelic orange.”

I said ‘was it orange flavor too?’

She said ‘yes, it was. It was really, really sick.’

She told dad about the astronaut video but she didn’t think he’d like it. I said ‘he definitely won’t like it if both of us told him about it.’