favorite moment: finding out that when she walks down stairs she imagines falling and something violent happening to her teeth. i imagine falling and my shins going up through my knees. also liked talking about how beavers and horses seem fucked up and a lot of things seem fucked up.

my ‘big fumble:’ juliet expressed worry about her pen name. i said she should make a new pen name called ‘megan boyle,’ then rammed this thing home big time about…how she should not post the video interview we were doing at all, instead post an oprah episode as ‘megan boyle interviewing megan boyle.’ think she understood but repeated ‘AN ACTUAL OPRAH EPISODE’ as i indulged in my cute idea more than listened to her understanding the idea and maybe wanting to move on. big fumble.

8:90PM: i was going to write ‘8:90’…i went through with it, as you can see…

10:25PM: after the interview i went to mom’s room. she was watching a documentary about a special kind of horse. i said ‘am i interrupting?’ mom seemed oddly eager to have me watch. i said ‘juliet said horses look fucked up, they have googly eyes.’ mom said ‘their eyes are like that because they’re preyed on, by wolves, they are preyed on.’ i did a ‘leg noogie’ to her and said ‘what? they do look weird.’ she said ‘well it’s just that they’re only my favorite animal of all time. and these, these are the littinger stallions, they start out gray like this but then they get big and white—this one is four years old, so he’s still gray, there’s a process—oh i think you’ll hate it but will you just watch?’ i leaned against the bedpost. i said ‘they look like that one actor, with dark stuff in the front of his face. who is he?’ mom said ‘javier bardem?’ i said ‘no he’s more of a character actor. i think he’s italian.’ the horses were made to perform…they do this…it’s called ‘dressage,’ i knew about it before this also but i don’t remember seeing it. mom said ‘there are only seventy horses in the world like this. they were all picked. and now they’re in austria, performing, will you just stay and watch for a minute with me, it’s so beautiful.’ there were hardly any people in the horse arena. it looked old, people were wearing old time-y clothes. the horses had been specially trained to walk funny and kick ‘battle style,’ where all of their hooves leave the ground at once. the camera showed this happening in slow motion, the battle style kick. the voice said ‘[name of horse] has worked up enough rage’ and there was white foam coming out of its mouth. mom said ‘it’s how they would fight, in wars, when the horses were also weapons. they treat them very well, they really do, i wouldn’t like it if they didn’t treat the horses well.’ then there was a shot of a person in old time-y clothes approaching a stable. the voiceover said something about how the mare in the stable was about to give birth. the belly was so big. i said ‘i can’t watch anymore, i don’t want to see horse eggs.’ mom laughed and said ‘horse eggs, oh no’ as i walked back to bedroom.