Responded to a ghat from Zachary from a few days ago, where he had said his ex-girlfriend would be at the Fishkind show (Fishkind is the band he was listening to nostalgically while drinking a few days before we moved out of Philadelphia apartment, guess they reunited, are playing a show I’m planning to go to at NYU on Friday). Zachary said his ex-girlfriend (who I had friendly interactions with when I met in 2009, when they lived together with Tao in Brooklyn, then un-friended me on facebook and expressed negative thoughts about me to Zachary when she learned I married Tao in 2010) said she would act cold towards me if she saw me at the show. Zachary said still wanted me to go, so he could have sex with me in the bathroom. I told him a little about my dream and said “see you in the bathroom, like that one strokes song, “see you in the bathroom,’ deliberately misquoting the title, to sound cute/‘carefree.’

Showered and packed. Aware of not responding to Mira’s email yet and saying I would. Aware of not getting new computer, which dad had asked me to do yesterday so he could have his back. Aware of not mailing books yesterday. Rubbed coconut oil on body. Changed outfit twice. Ate 350mg tramadol, b-vitamin, niacin, noopept.

3:15–7:05pm: drove to rockaway park. I’m here early. Colin texted around 5:30 asking if I was coming, what time I’d be here. I said I’d be there in an hour or so but the meeting was at 7:30 so I’d be there then, and had already confirmed this with apartment people via email and phone. I don’t think he’ll be at the meeting, unsure why he texted. ‘Can’t believe’ I’m early. Was so sure there would be bad traffic and I hadn’t allowed for enough time. Feel like this bodes well for the meeting.

7:09pm: sitting in parked car near apartment building. Fixed hair and applied concealer to zit between nose and upper lip. Excited and nervous. Feel like they’re going to ‘find me out’ or will say ‘we’ve been reading your liveblog all along, we know you’re a no-good slumlord.’ I’m picturing myself living here, the things I’m seeing now eventually becoming normal. Ate noopept covertly even though it’s legal, pictured saying ‘it’s a smart drug, no not like a drug though, it’s a health supplement, a nootropic, it’s for improving cognitive functions’ to troubled judgmental faces of apartment committee people.

7:18pm: palms are sweaty and stomach is making noises. Googled ‘rockaway park newspaper’ because in my cover letter I said I was interested in becoming involved in it because Colin told me it would be good if I said that. In a window of a house to my left, four dogs have been staring at points in the distance, mostly motionlessly this entire time. One just walked away. Took a picture with my phone.

7:21pm: walking to building now. Heart beating fast.