4:00pm: surprise appearance unlikely, despite rumored 3:34pm sighting. Surprise v.i.p. guest is notoriously late and unpredictable, is truly the Robert Downey Jr. of bodily functions.

4:14PM: shoes echoing in reading room at library. mild coconut oil outbreak in bookbag has rendered bottom of computer oily, sexy, ready for penetration.

4:30PM: wearing earphones, not playing music, to feel ‘plugged in.’

4:38PM: man behind me is periodically laughing like leonardo dicaprio in ‘what’s eating gilbert grape.’ girl sitting diagonal to me has been ‘setting up her station’ for over two minutes, i think. she said ‘i can hear you’ to the gilbert grape man.

4:51PM: gilbert grape laughing situation has escalated. four outbursts in one minute, garnered three head-turns. laughing man has ‘dirtlip’ mustache. he looks so happy.

4:52PM: cop said ‘what’s that noise comin’ from. who makin’ that noise over there.’ girl diagonal to me said ‘right there.’ i turned and smiled at gilbert grape and cop.

4:53PM: two giggles since cop: first one was a little muted and second one was back to normal. glad he’s back to normal. loud ‘heh heh’ just now. people are just annoyed with him because they’re jealous, i think.

4:58PM: wonder how many people in library right now have killed someone. there has been a time when this library has contained ‘highest amount of people who have killed other people.’ it’s the most okay to kill someone if you’re in the army or navy or marines or air force or [think there’s a few other ones]. probably most acceptable in the marines. otherwise: less okay.

•  army: mostly on the ground. the one that lets everyone in (i think).

•  navy: mostly on boats/submarines. the one my dad was in.

•  marines: mostly…i think it’s harder to get in the marines.

•  air force: mostly in the air.

5:56pm: sat outside on marble ledge to smoke. Squinty-eyed ‘has five-year-old okcupid profile and m.f.a.’-type man asked me for a cigarette. Warned ‘they’re menthol.’ he said ‘that’s okay.’ asked if he needed a light. he said ‘yes that would be great.’ tried to disguise thinking the Sean Paul song that goes ‘just gimme the light and […].’ man thanked me. I was instructed to have a good night. Watched him walk away. Thought ‘another conversation successfully averted: ding!’

6:27PM: ‘good library’ closed, moved to table in ‘institutional-looking distinctive-smelling library’ across the street. think i’ve smelled this on airplanes. smells like an old friend. forget why i ate adderall.

6:28–9:10PM: answered ask.fm question about college. responded to one email. seems ‘crazy’ of me to have done this, especially because there are still errors/unclear things in the answer to my question, but i like feeling so obsessed with writing that i can’t tell time has passed. texted with mira, in all caps, about where to meet. texts took on a christmas motif near the end.

9:11pm: pooped in library. Ate 1mg Xanax. Walking to parking garage to get car, then pick up Mira and Sam Cooke at dumpling place. Man stared and whistled as he passed. Want to start whistling and whispering ‘sexy’ to men. What would they do.