1:11am: I completed all the things I wanted to do before I find the fresh water spring and stand with my mouth under it. Mom said the water might not be flowing off a rock. It might just be a pipe. Gonna check that shit out now. Get the scoop. Scoop that shit up.

1:18am: I feel really good right now. Invincible and stupid. Wonder when I’m going to have sex again. Feels like I’m having sex right now, kind of. Invincible and stupid.

1:27am: spooky out here.

1:41am: scoop on fresh water spring: have driven up and down road mom said it was on, I see nothing, turning back.

2:15am: parked outside mom’s. Sleepy. If I sleep now I can wake at a more normal time. Will be motivated to continue completing tasks at a consistent pace. Will exercise and do emails tomorrow. ‘I earned it.’ -J. Lo.

THINGS I AM EXCLUDING:

•  romantic daydreaming, that if I included more of, might effect its likelihood to happen

•  don’t always say when I’ve peed/shat/brushed teeth/eaten noopept or vitamins

•  don’t talk about every text message/email exchange

•  not much said about nervous habit of picking at skin on my back/neck/ears

•  not deliberately excluding masturbating, whenever I talked about masturbating is the last time I did it (march 29?)

3:17AM: made corned beef + sauerkraut sandwich and felt full after a few bites. thought ‘mom would think i was on drugs if she saw ‘new item: sandwich, feat. bites’ in fridge,’ sliced off bitten parts. ate two oreos, 1mg xanax, and went to bedroom. set alarm for 11:30.

2:57PM: hit snooze. dreamed zachary bought six cans of male birth control. it like, seals up your penis hole. drinking coffee. colin says i should be able to have a meeting with the apartment people next week and i need to fill out and scan a new lease.

it’s 88 degrees outside.

THINGS I WANT TO DO TODAY:

•  exercise

•  emails

•  fill out/scan new lease

•  assemble packages

•  eat something not meat or carb-based

•  mail letter to gyno

mouth watered when i typed ‘meat or carb-based’

must do at least one thing that’s not 24-hour fedex or eat vegetable-based thing

if i fail to do at least one thing outside of those things: something bad will happen to five people i think about the most (they can blame it on me too, i’m already saying it will be my fault)

3:30–5:13PM: zachary called. played tic tac toe over the phone. nice time. i ate the other half of the sandwich and caramel corn.

5:50PM: drinking coffee. mom is asleep on couch. crippling indecision about what to do right now. no interesting thoughts.

POSSIBILITIES:

•  dye hair (probably one hour total), buy envelopes, go to yoga class at 8 or 8:30

damn nevermind guess that was easy

6:35PM: drinking a ‘the least you can do’ (spinach/banana) smoothie. hair dye sinking into roots. catching up on masha’s liveblog. can’t believe she’s still doing it, happy she is. haven’t read a hand-held book for a while