2:29am: impersonations I have been told I do well: Kermit the frog, Tao Lin, Zachary, a Russian person, an Indian person, Kenny. Mom and I used to do Anna Nicole smith. Both my dead grandmas. See Megan it’s not so bad. Everyone thinks they can do Bob Dylan. And Bill Cosby. The nerve. The gaul. The gaul of some people. The Charles deGaul. Gaulle? It’s an airport in France I think. I’m in parking spot at Dad’s.

2:42AM: i feel undeserving of the colorful packaging of a ‘berries go mega’ odwalla ‘food bar.’ but. what is there to do.

3–4:40AM: ate 2mg xanax, odwalla ‘berries go mega’ bar, dipped potato chips in sabra ‘classic hummus.’ think there were some fucking cadburry mini-eggs. often fantasize about being able to relocate weight to other places on body. like, reshape my legs and ‘take ‘em down a few’ and put them on my boobs and ass. take in waist a little, move to boobs and ass. reshape upper arms, and as usual, send that excess over to boobs and ass. face. um. i liked how pointy my face looked when i weighed 120-125lbs. that’s the least i’ve weighed as an adult. seems like a lot for girls to weigh or something, i have some idea that most ‘pretty girls’ weigh 100-115. i weigh 140-145 now, probably. actually probably 135 now. highest weight was 167, in 2004. my thighs man. hehe. i think the french word for ‘ham’

is ‘jambon.’ in 2004 my thighs looked ‘jambon.’ bigger than ham. jambon. stereotypical female body rambling, how groundbreaking, jesus, where’s my applause…waiting on that encore…i’m an insatiable george clooney, waiting backstage for my well-deserved encore…

2:00PM: woke to emails. jordan is sick and having car problems, can’t come to baltimore today. felt sort of relieved via i seem to not be in a very good place, mentally, right now. also sad to not see him and sam. unsure if sam is still coming, assuming he’s not. jordan expressed understanding losing contact things that i had apologized for in my email, and i sympathized with his plight to do ‘can’t make it to the reading’ emails to people while feeling shitty today. have yet to respond.

2:15PM: poured cup of cold coffee. texted with colin. he used the phrase ‘i’ll create a sense of urgency’ re talking to the apartment committee people, who are slow to look at tenant applications. ‘create a sense of urgency.’ so funny, coming from colin. i would say that. ate around ten mini chocolate cadbury eggs and read note from dad that said ‘you are entitled to feel cranky’ and ‘i understand,’ re my note from last night where i apologized for acting cranky and rude, that when i don’t sleep i become sensitive to light and noise, and that my irritations were my fault, not his.