4:14PM: you can say ‘several’ or ‘many’ or ‘mostly’ or ‘always’ but probably…you can also say ‘probably’…you want to avoid ‘always’ and ‘never’ because someone can probably always correct you. i learned that in law school.

4:16PM: look, another day where i didn’t do what i said i would do. gotta try going to macmedics before they close at 5pm.

4:22pm: dressed in jeans, blue button-down, black cardigan. That sentence was to inform you of what I’m wearing. Laughed a little, ‘on purpose,’ thinking ‘I hate you’ mostly at myself.

4:27pm: exited apartment while making eye contact with Shirley, thinking ‘I got rats on my head but don’t call me the rat king’ like how the Andy milionakis theme song is ‘got bees on my head but don’t call me a bee head.’ contemplated each versions of theme song walking to my car. Remembered David Bowie song thing from this morning as I entered car.

4:31pm: just thought I heard Shirley meow to my right. Have heard ‘her’ meow three times since previous sentence.

4:39pm: unrolled window so ‘Shirley’ could have fresh air while I smoked. It’s just…that…bookbag is arranged in such a way that it looks like her cat carrier on the seat the other night.

4:47pm: no way I’ll make it to macmedics by 5pm. Still want to drive. Bumper sticker on Prius says ‘hybrid cars: so many miles, so little gas.’ Shithead. Haven’t eaten since jelly beans. Food is hard. The least they could’ve done was made it so there was only one thing people could eat.

4:54pm: when I looked at not-as-attractive-as-I-remember person’s facebook pictures I thought ‘yeah but look at how much better he’s doing than you. Also look at how you look, man.’ pictured him reading this, grimacing and sucking air through the sides of his mouth, yanking collar for comic effect.

5:22pm: traffic. responded to emails in rapidfire manner. Matthew donahoo response got me emotional. Worried I didn’t respond to Jordan in time for him to see, or maybe he just doesn’t want. I don’t know. Feeling heavy today. Feeling like everything hurts and dense invisible gas is infiltrating all my pores and there is no way to escape, ever. Unsure what I mean, where would I escape to? Pictured myself on bed in mom’s apartment and on bed at Dad’s apartment. I need to be put in a storage closet and forgotten. I’m driving to a place that closed a half an hour ago. I’m lost near d.c. Going back. What is there for me…I don’t know what I want but I know it’s not this…is that a country song…I felt okay leaving apartment. What happened. There is no one to talk to, really. I’m talking to this because there’s no one to talk to.

5:32pm: I will be in my car again but I will never be driving home to my apartment in Philadelphia again. Okay. Don’t get lost in heavy emotional thing, you are losing awareness. Why does the sun always look so bright when I feel like this. Cloudy or less bright wouldn’t be better, it’s just why is it always this bright when I feel this. Maybe have light sensitivity disease.