I don’t think we were looking at each other much. I said ‘hey, can we hang out this week?’ he looked at me a little confusedly and said ‘sure, we’ll see, fine, whatever.’ I said ‘or sometime, ever?’ he said ‘sure yeah’ and hugged me weakly. I said ‘okay.’ I brought his last box of books down to the truck and readjusted the lamp in the front seat so the box could fit. Now I am upstairs in the apartment, mostly empty except for these things that seem impossible to want to bring with me. To someday unpack someplace else. There is this cylinder of sea salt I bought right before we moved in together. The salt became damp early-on. It has always been hard to use, it is the object we have probably used the most and vocally resented using the most. Zachary urged me to keep it and I said I didn’t want it and he said ‘well I’m not going to be the one to throw it out.’ I don’t mind throwing them away. Salt is first to go.

3:58-11:59PM: drove to NJ. did not update.

APRIL 1, 2013

12AM–5PM: unmemorable mostly.

5:18pm: using zachary’s ipad to update this. last night shortly after updating we argued more. he was like ‘will this get better eventually, can we still go somewhere tonight’ or something and i said ‘yeah just let’s watch another king of the hill then i’ll feel fine.’ then had totally amazing smart oh wow idea to record a video of us summarizing the argument, like talking about what happened, which is sort of what the argument was about anyway, and i spilled chicken noodle soup on computer. i was more drunk than him, i think. we sat in my car in his parents’ driveway, trying to unscrew back of computer so its insides could dry. it took a long time. i ripped off the back panel with a screwdriver before all the screws were unscrewed. everything seemed fine. then i ripped out the battery in a similar way and the battery broke. the computer still turns on but the screen is fucked. felt.

i drove us around. bars were closed. zachary held computer up to the air vent, the entire drive. nice of him.

realize now that i have had minor liquid spills on computers and removing the back or any of that was probably unnecessary.

when we came inside from the drive i realized i had left my iphone and keys in my locked car. i could see the iphone and figured the keys were near it, under the seat, but i could not see the keys.

argued again before bed about drugs and spiritual experiences from drugs and some other dumb unnecessary shit. i slept in another bed in the room and tried to lure shirley onto my bed so zachary would see that she liked me more. (last night after arguing i said ‘are you going to say you’re sorry? if you say that i’ll feel fine.’ he said he wasn’t going to apologize. i said ‘fine then i’ll take [2 or 3mg] xanax, i won’t be able to sleep otherwise.’ i took 4mg, i think.)