Jimmy broke the silence. “David, God has something very special for you. I’m sure of that.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s just something parents like to say.”

Jimmy smiled and said, “We’ll see.”

CHAPTER 17

On Melissa’s next birthday, Shawn threw a surprise party for her. Friends from church and the neighborhood were there, mostly people from the past few years of Melissa’s life. Several men brought their grills to add to Shawn’s and they cooked steaks and burgers and bratwurst. Melissa was made to sit and watch and do no work for the whole affair, which was nice, but she realized that activity helped her forget the things she didn’t want to remember.

That night, as Melissa tucked her into bed, Courtney propped herself up on an elbow and said, “Mom, are you happy?”

“Of course. Why do you ask that?”

“I don’t know.”

Melissa sat on the bed and stroked her daughter’s hair. “What do you think happy means?”

Courtney shrugged. “I guess it’s a feeling inside that makes you smile, even when you don’t know you are.”

“I smile when I look at you, spider monkey.”

“Yeah, but all night it seemed like you were under a cloud. Like you were at the party but not at the party.”

Melissa turned to the wall and stared at the drawings Courtney had taped there. Horses, mostly. One showed a man and woman standing together watching a girl in a field of flowers.

“You know, I was a tomboy when I was your age.”

“What’s a tomboy?”

“I liked to do things boys do. I’ve always been more comfortable in jeans and boots than a dress.”

“Kind of like me, even though I don’t mind pretty dresses.”

Melissa paused for a moment. “Yeah, kind of like you. And I would find myself smiling when I was fishing or hunting or working on your grandfather’s farm.”

Courtney sat up, light in her eyes. “Maybe if we got a horse, you’d smile more.”

Melissa kept her lips together, then let her daughter see her grin. “I think a horse would make you smile a lot more than it would me.”

“Think about it, Mom. We could keep it in the shed and ride it on the trails.”

“Now’s not the time to be talking about a horse.”

Courtney put her head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling.

“Sometimes I get to thinking about things and I get kind of moody, you know?” Melissa said.

“What things?”

“Just choices I made and didn’t make.”

“You mean with Dad?”