Before we had a chance to find a doorbell in amongst the ivy, the door swung open, revealing a short, curvy woman wearing a red Mrs Santa costume trimmed with gold. She would have looked quite glamorous if it weren’t for a green blob in her blonde hair, and the white stain on her chest.

‘Bea, please do come in. I’m so glad you made it. The others have told us about the fallen-down tree holding everybody up.’ She stepped back to allow us to come inside. ‘I’m Melody, Baxter’s assistant. Oh, and this is Betty.’ She spun around to reveal a sling on her back containing a sleeping baby in a reindeer outfit.

‘Let’s get you checked in. We’re starting off in the library, but we’ll sort your bags for you, and the cloakroom is here, behind me, so you can freshen up.’ She walked over to a walnut desk on one side of the enormous room, getting the passcode on an iPad wrong twice before closing her eyes and muttering, ‘Not Benji or Bobby’s, can’t be Betty’s so must be Billy’s. Was he the sixteenth or seventeenth…? No, the fifteenth!’ Jabbing her fingers in triumph, she unlocked it and started typing.

I took the opportunity to have a good look at the entrance hall – wooden-panelled walls, the kind of staircase that was made to be swept down, with a banister smothered in greenery and crimson berries. Another tree stood in one corner, with a whole army of beady-eyed drummer boys dangling from the boughs. Every wall was covered in oil paintings of people with expressions ranging from infuriated to disgusted.

‘This is your driver?’

‘Um… yes.’

‘If you can provide your car registration number and name, Security will buzz you straight in on Monday. Bea should be finished by four, but if she’s not quite ready just come in anyway and I’ll find a spot for you to have a drink and something to eat. Don’t wait in the car. The cold is bad enough but I’m pretty sure those elves are plotting something.’

‘Actually, I did try to speak to you about that earlier, but there was no answer.’

‘About the elves?’ Melody’s eyes went round with alarm. ‘I’ve barely had a chance to glance at my phone all day. Is there a problem?’

‘No, not the elves, about my driver – Henry – picking me up. Um, if you remember I didn’t see the email until this morning?’

Melody nodded, looking visibly relieved.

‘So it wasn’t until we were halfway here that we had a chance to find a hotel for Henry.’

‘Well done!’ She shook her head. ‘You’ve usually as much chance of finding a room around here this close to Christmas as Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem. The weather must have put people off.’