‘Tell her, Trev,’ Yasmin implored, once we’d said hello and Yasmin had wiggled up to make room for him to sit on her side of the table. ‘You are clearly a man who knows about these things. Please tell Ollie it is not safe for her to be taking a dog out all night in the middle of nowhere.’

‘We’ll be in a tent.’

‘Depends where you’re going, I suppose. In my experience, trouble rarely finds those who aren’t looking for it. And taking a dog seems like a grand idea. He’ll let you know if there’s anything prowling about. Or anyone.’

‘So, what, you put an innocent animal at risk when it has no choice in the matter, just so she can… ugh, I don’t know what she wants to do! I’m thinking that my English must be worse than I thought because you can’t possibly mean that you are choosing this, Ollie.’

‘I was thinking of camping in Bigley Forest Park next weekend,’ I said to Trev.

At least I had been, until someone mentioned things prowling about.

‘Oh, smashing!’ Trev grinned. ‘Used to go there all the time, before… well, you know. Me and my brothers would take our bikes. Sometimes a girl or two, if we were lucky. My brother and his wife still take the kids there if the weather’s good. Find a quiet spot, pitch up and watch the stars come out. Beautiful!’

‘Please tell me you are joking because I thought you said that your brother makes his wife and children leave their lovely, comfortable, safe house with a television and a kettle and a toilet so they can lie in the dirt amongst the bugs for fun!’

Trev shrugged. ‘Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.’

Yasmin rubbed her wrists even harder, her eyes swimming with shadows. ‘I have tried it.’ She shook her head for a few seconds as if utterly bewildered, before abruptly lifting her chin, eyes snapping back to the present. ‘Right, time for me to go.’

‘You don’t have to,’ Trev blurted, before his mouth dropped open in horror.

Yasmin looked at him, puzzled. ‘I couldn’t possibly interrupt your session.’

‘Oh, well, I didn’t mean…’ Trev took off his bandana and used it to wipe his forehead.

‘Thanks, Ollie, I’ll see you next week. If you haven’t been mauled by a wild animal or caught some hideous disease from putrid water.’ Yasmin paused, her eyes glinting at Trev. ‘Nice bandana.’

Thursday evening, all thoughts of camping were hurled to one side when Leanne charged into the garden, slamming her back door so hard it rattled my teeth from the other side of the lawn.

‘You absolute bitch,’ she snarled, the trail from her cigarette like smoke from a dragon’s nostril.