“Yes, Dylan will love that.” I beamed up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He reached into my hair and undid the clip that was holding my bun up. My crazy curls came tumbling down. “Hey, my hair is too wild to have down while I work,” I said.

“You have beautiful hair,” he said as he put me down, then tugged softly on a curl. “I want to see it. And you’re off now anyway.”

I had been in mommy mode for so long that I’d forgotten what it felt like to be wanted for something other than snacks and stories and kid cuddles. Luke wanted me. This felt different from how my kids loved me. Luke made me feel feminine and desired. I felt turned on, electric, alive. I hardly remembered this Lily, the Lily who wore high heels, so she could reach up for kisses, the Lily who wore her hair down and wild, and who loved with her whole heart because she was unafraid of having it break. I loved my kids with my whole heart, always. But with everyone else in my life, I was only half present. I had been walking through heavy clouds for too many years. Luke was like sunshine—he burned the clouds away, and I was finally allowing the light to shine on me.

“Luke,” I whispered as I stared at him. I was lucky I caught myself before I jumped him. We used to be so tactile and affectionate. It was so easy, effortless, and natural between us that I used to take it for granted. When he left, I shut a lot of myself down. He gave me the half-grin, and I almost swooned. I took his hand and started for the door. We needed to get out of here before I gave Finn, Nick, and Violet’s customers a show.

In my life as a mother, I had never not wanted to go get my kids. I always wanted to be around them. But right now, I was greedy for Luke. I wanted him to myself, wanted to explore all the changes in him, and I wanted to do it naked and for a long time. I sighed. We had time. I was the idiot who wanted to take things slow.

“We should take your car. I don’t have car seats for the kids yet.” He winked as I handed him my keys.

Mom, Gram, and Calla were sitting on one of Gram’s old quilts spread out on the sprawling front lawn when Luke and I pulled up to my parents’ house. My mother did a double take when she noticed me get out of the passenger side. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands when Luke exited on the driver’s side.