“Pain!” I cried. “I’m afraid of how much it will hurt when I lose you again. I couldn’t take it. I can’t stand the thought of it. My anger is gone, Luke. That anger is what kept the pain of losing you from overwhelming me.” I wanted to look away, but his eyes held mine captive, and I couldn’t.

“If you’re not angry anymore, then talk to me. We can get through this—” he pleaded.

I cut him off. I felt like I was losing hold of myself, of the things that kept me safe and secure—and lonely. “God, Luke, what do you want from me?” I shouted.

His face changed from pleading to determined. “I want you to listen to me. I want you to forgive me. Then I want you to love me again. I want to kiss you when I feel like it, to touch you because you’re mine. I want you in my house, in my bed, back in my life the way we always intended.” He paused, and I stared at him transfixed as his voice gentled. “You’re going to marry me, Lily. We will raise our kids together and have a beautiful life. I want you back, and I will do everything you need, anything it takes to make you believe that I can’t live without you anymore.” The look in his eyes changed from frustration to tenderness undoing the fear that held me back. “Don’t shut me out, Lily. Don’t make the mistakes I made. You need me as much as I need you. I promise I won’t push you away ever again, I won’t leave—”

“Luke, stop.” I covered my ears with my hands and turned back to the window. I couldn’t look at his pleading eyes for one more second, or I would give in. Deep down, I wanted him as much as he wanted me. But I was terrified of going down that path again.

“I won’t stop. I am in love with you. I have loved you since we were kids. I’ve loved you every second of the time I was gone. I was wrong to stay away. Let me show you how good it could be. Let me love you again.”

I felt him standing behind me, so close. If I turned around, I could have it all back.

“Please, stop pushing me.”

“I came back once,” he announced.

I whirled from the window. “When?” I demanded. Fear surged out to be replaced by anger as I glared at him.

His eyes burned into mine. “It was a few months after what happened in the hospital. I wasn’t planning to talk to you. I just wanted to check, to see that you were okay.”