He closed his eyes as memories washed over his face. “I could have killed you. I still see my hands wrapped around your throat, and I can't wrap my head around how I could have not known it was you.” He opened his eyes to study his hands on the table. I slid my hands over his to encourage him to hold on to me. He turned his hands palms up and linked his fingers with mine. “I still can’t fathom how I could have hurt you, Lily. I was horrified, still am.” He closed his eyes again and let go of my hands, running them through his hair. “I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I love you more than anything in the world. I had to protect you.” He opened his eyes and looked directly into mine. “But I loved you so much that I knew if I saw you again, I would not have the strength to leave you, to end it. I knew that you would want to help me, and I didn’t deserve it. I would give in to anything you wanted if I saw you. So, I was a coward and I didn’t explain. Please believe that I thought I was protecting you, that I would die to protect you. I died inside every day I spent without you,” he finished.

“I shouldn’t have climbed into the hospital bed with you. You didn’t expect to find anyone there.” I refused to let him take all the responsibility for what had happened. While on patrol, his unit fell under heavy fire. Luke took a lot of shrapnel and almost bled out. After Jed got the call, he, my mother, and I flew to Germany to be with him in the hospital. He didn’t expect to find me next to him when he woke up; he attacked me in his sleep.

“That’s no excuse. I had to make sure you were safe,” he insisted.

“So, you just left? How was that better than talking to me? I was alone and scared and in love with you. You broke my heart.”

“I hurt you. Who knows what else I was capable of?” he argued.

He had it all wrong. I had forgiven him for attacking me the moment it happened. Yes, he hurt me physically. But by leaving, he destroyed me. This huge misunderstanding of how I had really been hurt left me incredulous. Did he even have a clue what he did to me? “I tried to get to you when you were still in the hospital and you had me escorted out—crying and humiliated—every single time. So, yeah, you hurt me. We were always there for each other. Then, suddenly, you weren’t there anymore.” I looked away from him. I couldn’t sit there and see the anguish in his eyes anymore. I stood up to pace.