“I met him a few times when I visited your mom whenever I was on leave. She lived with your aunt Jane then, and Will would come around and visit.”

I never talked about this part of my life with Dylan. It was too painful to remember. What would Jane think of Luke being back in our lives? Jane was my college roommate and we’d been best friends ever since. Will was her older brother. After Will died, she took a leave of absence to move in with me. We’d grieved together and she helped me care for Dylan while I was on bed rest, pregnant with Calla.

Luke continued, “I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” He closed his eyes briefly, then looked intently at Dylan. “Have you ever felt lost? Not like you can’t find the right turn to take or the right path to follow, but lost inside your mind. Maybe so sad you thought you would never be happy again. Or so bad about something you had done that you thought no one could love you anymore?”

Oh Luke. My heart cracked open at his words.

“I felt sad like that when my dad Will died,” Dylan said with an expression on his face I’d never seen before. This was serious to him and he was paying attention. He was growing up right before me. I took a deep breath to try to abate the tears that filled my eyes.

“I felt that way for years. I’m just now starting to feel better. Jed told me about you when I got home. I felt guilty for being so stubborn and stupid. Why didn’t I let your mom and Jed talk to me? Years went by and I missed everything.” He stopped talking, perhaps he was lost in his memories. Shaking it off, he refocused on Dylan. “Jed made me see that I have one chance to make it right. He told me I had to fight for you—to get well—so I could earn your forgiveness. When I was in the Army, I got hurt really bad, Dylan. Most people understand that we need to take care of our bodies. When our bodies get hurt or sick, we go to the doctor, we rest so we can heal. But sometimes our minds get sick too. I had to heal my mind, so I could be the dad you deserve. And I would like to try. Is that okay?”

“How did you hurt your mind?” Dylan asked.

I was deep breathing and trying to control my emotions. It was one thing to know that Luke was suffering from PTSD. It was something completely different to hear the words coming directly from him. I could feel his pain and guilt like something tangible. The wall I had erected in my heart to keep him out began to crumble and it terrified me.