“I have to get the kids from my mother. Rocky is there, and we should go see Liam again, and bring the kids to see him,” she murmured against my chest.

Despite her words, she pulled me closer, tucking herself tighter against me. I couldn’t get close enough to her. Even being inside her wasn’t close enough. My heart was about to burst at the seams. Tears pricked against the back of my eyes. I wanted her to need me. I was desperate for it because I needed her so much. I trembled when she kissed me gently across my chest. I sifted my hand through the hair at her nape, and she leaned forward to give me better access. She’d always loved it when I played with her hair. Funny how this felt new yet so familiar at the same time.

I pulled her hair gently to tip her head back, so I could look at her face. I got distracted by her expectant smile, so I kissed her before I answered her. “You’re right. But first, I have to confess something. I understand where Liam’s head was at.”

Her smile turned soft with concern, and she nodded encouragement.

“I understand it because I have been there, without hope, feeling alone and desperate for the pain to stop. It was after I got hurt, after I had come home. I didn’t go as far as he did, not nearly. The thoughts were enough to scare me. I called Jed, then later got help from my therapist. But I have felt that way before. I thought you should know. Toward the end, right before the explosion, I was starting to doubt everything I had done. It was getting harder to stay away from you. I had so many regrets and carried so much shame for abandoning you without a word, like a coward. Then the explosion happened, friends died, Liam and I almost died, and I knew right then that I had been a fool for leaving. My life flashed in front of me, and every mistake I’d made was at the forefront. Then I got home, and Jed told me I had a son. The magnitude of my choices hit me, and at that moment, I felt I didn’t deserve a second chance with you or any chance with Dylan. I thought maybe you would be better off if I had just died. I was lucky that I had Jed, so lucky that I had him to talk to…”