“Damn it, Luke, let me in!” I shouted. Still, no answer. I knew he was in there. His truck was in the driveway. He had to have picked it up, then come home.

I stopped for a minute to plan my next move, then remembered that Luke had given me a set of his keys earlier. With shaking hands, I pulled the keys out of my pocket, found the right one on the first try, and let myself in. I rushed through the doorway and frantically looked around. He was sitting on his couch. He quickly wiped his cheeks with his hands and stood up when he saw me.

“Lily, what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? Where else would I be, Luke?” I burst out. The adrenaline left me once I saw he was okay. Cold fear replaced it when I saw the blank expression in his eyes. I took a step toward him.

He stepped back. “I feel like being alone right now. Can I call you later?” he said. He was cold. He was gone.

I felt myself start to retreat. But I managed to gain some courage. “I don’t think you should be alone right now. I can just sit with you, or I could fix you a snack, or a drink…”

“No, thank you. I want to—I just need to—damn it, Lily, just go, and I’ll call you later. I can’t do this right now,” he barked.

I flinched, but I wasn’t about to give up. “Do this? Is nothing going to change? You can be there for me, even when I don’t want you to, but I can’t be there for you when you so obviously need me? I’m not going. You don’t have to talk to me, but I won’t let you be alone.”

“If I want to be alone, it has nothing to do with you,” he insisted.

“It has to do with both of us. Being with someone isn’t always going to be good times, sunshine, and rainbows, Luke. You’ve got to let me be with you in the bad times too. I just want to help.”

“I don’t deserve your help, Lily. I don’t deserve your sympathy. I don’t deserve your love, and I need to be alone, so please—” He gestured toward the door again.

“Why do you insist on punishing yourself, Luke? You deserve my love. Quit pushing me away. I know you love me, and I know you need me right now. You’ve been killing yourself trying to make me see it, trying to earn forgiveness that we’ve all already given you. I love you. Hear it, please know it. You are worth it. You are worth everything to me. We will never be okay if you don’t let me love you.”

“Lily, you don’t understand. There is no way you could.”