Cade rushed over to me and knelt in front of the couch. “Lily,” he said, then he looked up at Dad. “What’s wrong?”

“Cade, move,” Levi ordered as he rushed over. He was wearing a paramedic uniform and brandished a case full of supplies. He’d been a paramedic before becoming a firefighter. I didn’t know he still did it.

“Panic attack,” Dad said, and I closed my eyes in embarrassment.

Levi nodded and put a blood pressure cuff on my arm. He smiled at me and patted my leg. I had never had a panic attack before. I had been anxious. I had freaked out a little bit here and there. But I had never lost my shit to the point that I didn’t know what was going on. It scared me.

“I think I’m okay now,” I said.

Levi nodded his agreement. “Pressure is normal,” he said as he removed the cuff. “How do you feel? Want to ride in the ambo?” He grinned at me.

I shook my head. “No thanks, Levi. I’m just embarrassed now.”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, Lil. Feel better, okay?”

I nodded as he packed up his bag and left with his partner.

I shifted off Dad’s lap and tucked myself into the corner of the couch. Cade pulled a throw blanket from the chair he was sitting on and covered me. I burrowed under it and thought about my life and how I’d screwed it up. I’d lost my mind tonight. Now that I was thinking clearly, I was horrified that I’d let myself get so out of control. My mother was probably right. I kept too much inside. What I had been doing was not working.

In the spirit of change… “Mom, will you take care of Calla tonight? I think you were right, and I need to sleep.”

She sat there and just blinked at me. I must have shocked her. “Yes. Yes, I will. And you can sleep in too. Lily, you don’t have to worry about a thing,” she said with a huge smile.

I needed to get it through my head that she wanted to help me. Accepting her help did not make me weak, or needy. It made me smart. No one could do it all. What had happened to me tonight was all the proof I needed. I thought about Calla and Dylan as adults. Would I still want to be there for them? Be a part of their lives? I absolutely would, and I would be hurt if they didn’t let me. I needed help. I was drowning and exhausted, and I felt ridiculous.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” I said and leaned over to hug my dad. He squeezed me back.