“In the kitchen,” Mom said. She cradled my cheek with her palm, then felt my forehead with the back of her hand like she used to do when I was a kid. “Come on, I’ll get you both fixed up.” I nodded and followed her to the kitchen. Bypassing the island, I decided to sit at the small table by the window. I watched in a daze as she meandered around the kitchen, warming a bottle for Calla, filling a glass for me.

I looked out the bay window behind me. It was so dark tonight. Anything could be happening right outside the window, and I wouldn’t be able to see it. I turned back around and focused on Mom and Calla again. But I could still feel the dark behind me. I was too close to it. I got up quickly, knocking over the chair behind me. “Oh, sorry,” I mumbled as I bent to pick it up. My head spun as I stood, my headache making it pound from the quick change in direction.

“It’s fine, honey. Just sit down,” Mom said.

I didn’t answer. I just stumbled clumsily back into my chair. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it. I could feel it in my head. I tried taking a deep breath, but it didn’t help. I felt my chest expand and contract, but it was as if no air went in. I started to pant. The shallow breaths made me feel light-headed.

What is wrong with me?

Every sound in the house echoed in my ears. I jumped out of my chair, knocking it over again as I heard someone at the front door. I ran into the living room to stop them from hurting Mom and Calla. I stopped fast, bumping into the couch when I saw it was just my dad, home from work.

My heart pounded like a bass drum in my chest. Every beat jolted my body like a shock. My chest felt tight, constricted, crushed like an elephant was standing on it. I pressed my hands to my sternum, trying to slow it down, to ease the pressure.

Was my heart breaking?

My head spun. I could see my mom talking to me, but all I could hear was my heartbeat. All I could feel was the dark outside, getting in. I couldn’t let it get in. I turned and ran back into the kitchen. I had to close the curtains. I had to keep the dark out. I ran faster when I heard someone running behind me. I heard my mom yelling. “Ben! Ben!”