I stared at the crowd, trying to shake my hand free of Max’s vice-like grip as five hundred people livestreamed my worst professional nightmare to millions of people all around the world.

‘I am Snazzlechuff!’ A voice bellowed in the crowd.

I peered through my arms to see Adrian standing on his chair, arms aloft.

‘Yes! So am I! I am Snazzlechuff as well!’ Sumi echoed, giving Lucy a kick as she climbed up onto her own seat.

‘Don’t make me stand up,’ Lucy groaned as she reluctantly raised her hands halfway into the air, John beside her doing the same. ‘Fine, I’m Snazzlechuff too.’

A girl I didn’t know, three rows behind them, rose to her feet.

‘I’m Snazzlechuff!’

‘Me too! I’m Snazzlechuff!’ shouted three different teenage boys, all standing at once, swiftly followed by an entire row by the back door. Slowly but surely, the entire room stood up, waving their arms in the air.

‘I’m Snazzlechuff!’ they chanted, individually at first but soon, all as one. ‘I’m Snazzlechuff!’

Max grinned and wrapped his skinny arm around my waist as I tried to push him away.

‘We’re all Snazzlechuff!’ he cheered. Dustin and Greg stood behind him, chanting along with everyone else.

‘And I am so fired,’ I groaned, watching Ted march off down the middle aisle and storm out the back door.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Saturday morning was announced by a single drop of water, landing directly on my face. Bloody condensation in the shed, I thought, rolling over and bumping into another body. Lying on her side, surrounded by a nest of pillows and cushions, was heavily pregnant Lucy, happily snoring away under my sheet. I sat up, the night before slowly seeping back into my memory, to see Sumi wedged onto the world’s smallest sofa and, when I looked over the edge of my mattress, Adrian was curled up in a ball between the bedframe and the front door. Empty pizza boxes were stacked up at the side of the sink and my head throbbed with recollection. Patrick followed by podcast followed by Pinot Grigio.

After The Artist Formerly Known as Snazzlechuff’s big announcement, absolute chaos had broken loose. And by chaos, I meant three teenagers turned their chairs over and had to be escorted out of the convention centre. After that, came the social media decimation, the Snazzlechuff Is Over Party, Hashtag Cancel PodPad and, my personal favourite worldwide trending topic of all time, Who the Fuck Is Ros Reynolds? It was an excellent question and not one I was certain I could answer.