‘I was referring to the part after that but good to know you haven’t forgotten,’ he muttered, eyes shifting awkwardly towards the sky. ‘I don’t like him, Ros. He’s rude, he’s pretentious and he doesn’t care about anyone but himself.’

‘Thank fuck no one’s asking you to go out with him then!’ I yelled, shocked at the fire in my voice. ‘And he does care about other people, he cares about my friend and he cares about me.’

But as the words came out my mouth, my conviction trailed off. Did Patrick care about me? As much as I cared about him?

‘Right, if he’s so brilliant then why are you standing out here, talking to me, instead of sitting in there and listening to him?’

I looked up at him, one, maybe two steps away from me, dark hair falling in front of his dark eyes that were more hazel than brown in the sun. I heard the sound of ragged breath and realized that it wasn’t coming from me. Or at least, not only from me.

‘Did you know it was me last night?’ John asked quietly.

‘No,’ I answered honestly, my anger seeping away. ‘Did you know? That it was me?’

He replied with a nod.

‘I couldn’t sleep last night for thinking about you,’ he said, stepping closer.

I searched the grass for any response he might accept and that I could live with. From the moment I’d left Sumi to the moment I’d finally fallen asleep, I hadn’t thought about anything else. And when I closed my eyes, it was John’s face I saw in front of me, not Patrick’s.

Neither of us said a word, neither of us moved an inch.

Even though we weren’t quite touching, I could feel him through the heavy summer air. Last night we’d been pressed together, hip to hip, heart to heart, but he felt so much closer now. His hand reached for my face and I felt the very tips of his fingers graze my cheek.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said, breaking away and taking one small step backwards.

Then another, then another.

‘I’m really sorry, John.’

He opened his mouth to say something but, before he could, I bent over to take off my shoes, turned back towards the Carriage House and ran.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

‘Where have you been hiding?’ Patrick asked as I dashed back into the baby shower.

‘I was outside,’ I said, slipping my feet back into my shoes and looking around for Sumi or Adrian or Lucy, anyone I could talk to.

‘Are you OK?’ He pressed the back of his hand against my forehead. ‘Do you feel all right? You’re quite warm.’

‘I need some water,’ I replied, my cheeks still hot and flushed. I certainly couldn’t talk to Patrick. ‘Are you going to tell me Lucy’s baby names or what?’