‘The thing the book tried to say is that nostalgia can be toxic,’ I went on, sure I had a point. ‘It can poison us if we let it, it stops us from finding joy in our present. We’re so in love with our idea of our past, we can’t trust that there are good things waiting for us in the future. And we have to move on. We have to make bold steps and believe in ourselves and in each other. And that’s why I think it’s so amazing that my mum and dad didn’t just want to celebrate all the time they’ve spent together, they wanted to look to the future as well. Today is just as much about celebrating what’s to come as it is toasting to the forty years they’ve been married.’

‘Thank fuck for that,’ Sumi said on an exhale.

‘I’d like to make a toast to all the wonderful things we’ve already experienced together,’ I said, reaching out as Adrian stretched up to hand me a glass of champagne. ‘And to all the amazing things that are still to come.’

Everyone raised their glasses and made happy noises, toasting Mum and Dad with smiles on their faces. I couldn’t help smiling too.

‘Oh and also, we’re doing appetizers now and then food so please get out the way while we rearrange the tables and don’t fill up on snacks,’ I added before turning off the mic and climbing down from the stage.

‘Smashed it,’ Sumi declared, clinking her glass against mine. ‘Ten out of ten.’

‘I think I’m getting better at public speaking,’ I said, my smile growing as I made eye contact with John and he winked.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Everyone was laughing and talking and eating and hugging, the way it should be at a wedding. John was serving up drinks behind the bar, Sumi and Jemima were on the dance floor and Adrian and Eva were sitting beside my sleeping nan, completely oblivious to everything around them and gazing into each other’s eyes, while Nan snored away, head right back, propped up against the wall.

Before anyone could miss me, I slipped downstairs and out the back door of the bar, skirting around the alleyway to watch a busy Saturday afternoon in Borough Market. The sun had gone back in, leaving us with a pale grey sky and, thankfully, tolerable temperatures.

‘Now or never,’ I said to myself, taking out my phone and hitting the call button. ‘Stiffen the sinews and summon the blood.’

She answered immediately.

‘Yes?’

‘Veronica?’ I asked with shaking hands.

‘Ros.’

‘How are you?’

‘What do you want?’ a cigarette-fried voice barked down the line.

Hardly able to believe what I was about to say, I launched into my pitch. ‘I’ve been thinking about what you said,’ I told her. ‘And you’re right.’