‘It must be weird,’ I said, watching as he began to attack the keyboard of his typewriter with great ferocity. ‘You have to deal with so many different people every day. I can literally go an entire day at work talking to two people but you have to talk to everyone.’

‘It’s a lot of people,’ he agreed with a genial shrug. ‘But in a place like this, they’re much of a muchness. That’s the thing I figured out pretty early on into working behind a bar. People are pretty much all exactly the same. At the end of the day, most of us want one thing.’

I wondered if we were officially friendly enough for me to unfasten the top button of my jeans. I’d worn corsets that were less constrictive. Not for a while, my raving days were one thing I was happy to leave in the past, but a girl never forgot these things.

‘And what do people want?’ I asked, ignoring my rumbling stomach.

‘It’s not hard to work out,’ he replied. ‘Safe place to sleep, warm food in their belly, someone to laugh at their jokes at the end of the day.’

Entirely unable to stop myself, I laughed awkwardly under my breath.

‘Is that what everyone wants?’

He looked me in the eye, holding my gaze while he sipped his wine.

‘Isn’t it?’

‘I just want to not live in a shed,’ I said, reaching under my T-shirt and unfastening the top button. It was time.

‘You want more than that,’ John pushed. ‘You want to feel appreciated, you want to be doing something you feel is worthwhile, or at least not beneath you.’

‘I don’t think what I’m doing is beneath me,’ I argued, a little stung. There was his know-it-all arrogance again. ‘I just think there are a million other stories out there that are more important than this one. I mean, this one isn’t even a story, he doesn’t even want to do the podcast, it’s a cash grab by his very clever agent. If they had any sense, they’d be doing a series about his real life, the behind-the-scenes stuff. This kid hasn’t even finished puberty and he’s an entire industry. Wouldn’t you rather listen to that while you’re running than the ramblings of Snazzlechuff and his amazing friends?’

‘You’re working with Snazzlechuff?’ John gasped, sitting bolt upright. ‘That kid’s a legend! His Fortnite streams are masterpieces.’

‘You’re a monster,’ I informed him with a straight face. ‘There is no hope for humanity.’

John relaxed into his chair, shaking his head in wonder.

‘What mask did have on when you met him?’

‘Today it was a guinea pig, the first time it was a panda.’

He touched his fingertips to his lips and blew them away with a chef’s kiss.