There would seem to be two aspects in which humor would apply specifically to the practice of imaginative sex. First, it should be engaged in only with good humor. It is a form of play. If one believes that all play is silly, or a waste of time, one will probably not understand imaginative sex, or, surely, be much good at it. Imaginative sex is a form of human play. That must never be forgotten. It is play. Play can be taken seriously, of course. We all take our games seriously. Watch people play chess. Or basketball, or water polo. But it is not reality. It is, in the final analysis, only a form of play. Play, of course, can stimulate the mind, increase energies, and healthily ventilate, in a love context, bottled emotions and suppressed desires. Play is good for animals. All the higher animals play. Imaginative sex may be engaged in intricately and deeply, or simply and superficially, but it should always be engaged in delightedly and lightheartedly. It is supposed to be fun. If it isn’t fun, it isn’t imaginative sex. One can become lost in the delights of fantasies, but one must not stay lost. Reality comes first and last, if not in the middle.

Imaginative sex is not a substitute for reality; it is a refreshment for reality. Just as humor gives us a perspective for grappling with the world, so it gives us a perspective for grappling with the worlds of fantasy. Humor is a tool for survival, as much as the ax and fire. The world sets severe conditions on survival, and evolution is harsh. It is doubtless more than a coincidence that we are laughing animals. As soon as we begin to take ourselves too seriously we are on the way to insanity. Without humor there is only solemnity and madness. Secondly, humor is important in connection with imaginative sex because we need to be admissive of one another’s mistakes or failures. Sometimes, in imaginative sex, it is possible to get involved in situations which are unintentionally hilarious, which do not work, which fail to “come off.” These can be a source of fun as well as more successful exhibitions and performances. Like the bloopers cut out of television film they can be entertaining in themselves. A readiness to laugh at one’s own failures or mistakes is an asset in imaginative sex, as it is in any complex human endeavor. It is impossible not, from time to time, to make mistakes. Mistakes are perfectly acceptable. It is not even as though everyone were going to know about them. The important thing to remember is that imaginative sex is not a serious business; it is supposed to be fun; it is supposed to be a delight.

IX. Imaginative Techniques