Back If Only I Could Tell You Save as PDF
Contents ( 161)
  1. Dedication
  2. Epigraph
  3. Contents
  4. Prologue
  5. June 23, 1988
  6. Part One
  7. February 2016
  8. Chapter 1
  9. Audrey
  10. Chapter 2
  11. Jess
  12. Chapter 3
  13. Lily
  14. Chapter 4
  15. Audrey
  16. Part Two
  17. March
  18. Chapter 5
  19. Audrey
  20. Chapter 6
  21. Lily
  22. Chapter 7
  23. May 2009
  24. Chapter 8
  25. Jess
  26. Chapter 9
  27. October 1987
  28. Chapter 10
  29. Jess
  30. Chapter 11
  31. Audrey
  32. Part Three
  33. April
  34. Chapter 12
  35. Audrey
  36. Chapter 13
  37. April 1972
  38. Chapter 14
  39. Lily
  40. Chapter 15
  41. Jess
  42. Chapter 16
  43. September 1988
  44. Chapter 17
  45. Audrey
  46. Chapter 18
  47. July 2003
  48. Chapter 19
  49. Audrey
  50. Part Four
  51. May
  52. Chapter 20
  53. Audrey
  54. Chapter 21
  55. Audrey
  56. Chapter 22
  57. Audrey
  58. Chapter 23
  59. Lily
  60. Chapter 24
  61. Christmas Day 1988
  62. Chapter 25
  63. Audrey
  64. Chapter 26
  65. Jess
  66. Chapter 27
  67. Audrey
  68. Chapter 28
  69. Lily
  70. Chapter 29
  71. Jess
  72. Chapter 30
  73. Lily
  74. Chapter 31
  75. Audrey
  76. Chapter 32
  77. Jess
  78. Chapter 33
  79. Audrey
  80. Chapter 34
  81. June 1988
  82. Part Five
  83. June
  84. Chapter 35
  85. Audrey
  86. Chapter 36
  87. Lily
  88. Chapter 37
  89. Audrey
  90. Chapter 38
  91. Audrey
  92. Chapter 39
  93. Jess
  94. Chapter 40
  95. Lily
  96. Chapter 41
  97. Audrey
  98. Chapter 42
  99. Jess
  100. Chapter 43
  101. Lily
  102. Chapter 44
  103. Audrey
  104. Chapter 45
  105. Jess
  106. Chapter 46
  107. June 1988
  108. Chapter 47
  109. Jess
  110. Part Six
  111. July
  112. Chapter 48
  113. Jess
  114. Chapter 49
  115. Lily
  116. Chapter 50
  117. Audrey
  118. Chapter 51
  119. Lily
  120. Chapter 52
  121. Audrey
  122. Chapter 53
  123. Lily
  124. Chapter 54
  125. Audrey
  126. Chapter 55
  127. Jess
  128. Chapter 56
  129. Audrey
  130. Chapter 57
  131. June 22, 1988
  132. Chapter 58
  133. Audrey
  134. Chapter 59
  135. Lily
  136. Chapter 60
  137. June 23, 1988
  138. Chapter 61
  139. Jess
  140. Chapter 62
  141. Audrey
  142. Chapter 63
  143. Jess
  144. Chapter 64
  145. Lily
  146. Chapter 65
  147. Jess
  148. Chapter 66
  149. Audrey
  150. Part Seven
  151. November
  152. Chapter 67
  153. Jess
  154. Chapter 68
  155. Lily
  156. Chapter 69
  157. Audrey
  158. Acknowledgments
  159. About the Author
  160. Copyright
  161. About the Publisher

Leaning to one side to pick up a different pencil, Audrey felt a grinding pain slice through her right shoulder, causing her to inhale sharply.

“What’s wrong, Granny? Do you need me to get you something?”

Audrey shook her head, molding her grimace into a smile. “No thanks, darling. It’s just a little twinge, that’s all. It’s better now, honestly.”

The pain continued to jab at her shoulder, like a clamorous child demanding attention. She knew it was referred pain from the tumor in her liver, had been tolerating it for weeks, but still its intensity took her by surprise.

“OK, everyone. Shall we have a fifteen-minute break? Back here at quarter past?”

Pencils clattered against trays. Mia looped her arm through Audrey’s and together they walked down the single flight of stairs to the canteen. In two weeks it had already become a habit: Audrey taking a seat at a corner table by the window, Mia joining her a couple of minutes later balancing a cup of tea, a hot chocolate, and a heavily iced cupcake on a tray.

As Mia sat down opposite, Audrey noticed the dark rings beneath her granddaughter’s eyes.

“Are you getting enough sleep, Mia? You look exhausted. Are you sure this class isn’t too much for you?”

Mia shook her head. “Definitely not. It’s the highlight of my week. I’m not even exaggerating.” She tried to offer Audrey a reassuring smile but it got lost somewhere between her lips and her eyes.

“I just don’t want it to add to your stress when I know how much pressure you’re under. Only a week until your first AS exam. Just think, in a month it will all be over.” Audrey picked up her tea but before she’d managed the first sip, tears had begun to well up in Mia’s eyes. “What is it, Mia? What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to mess them up, I know I am. And then Mum’ll be furious and I can’t cope with her disappointment.”

Audrey took Mia’s hand, rubbing the back of it gently. “You’re going to be fine. You work so hard and you’re so bright. I know you’re under a huge amount of pressure, but it’ll be over soon.”

Mia sniffed, the skin marbling around her eyes. “It won’t. These are only my AS exams. There’s a whole year before my A-levels. And I’m not going to be fine, Granny. There’s no way I’m going to get an A-star in history.”

“That doesn’t matter, Mia. Nobody can get top marks in everything.”

“It does matter. It matters to Mum. You know it does.”

Audrey wiped her granddaughter’s tears with the pad of her thumb. “Mum will be proud of you whatever you get.”

“No she won’t. You know that’s not true. If I don’t get four A-stars next year she’s going to think I’ve failed. She’s only ever happy when I get top marks. You’ve seen her, you know what she’s like.”

Audrey wanted to say that Mia was exaggerating but she’d witnessed too many fraught exchanges between her daughter and granddaughter to contradict her. “Mum only wants the best for you. She’s going to love you whatever grades you get. Would you like me to talk to her, tell her how you’re feeling?”