I reread those words over and over, my heart swelling so big there’s no room for me to draw breath into my lungs. Maybe I’ll never have Easton the way I wish I could, but at least I have this. Whatever it is.

My brothers are lounging in the family room, barely awake and worshipping their coffee mugs, and the kitchen is clean, the counters sparkling. There’s no sign of the dirty cups and beer bottles I expected to find littering the main floor. Instead, the only evidence of last night’s celebration is the three black trash bags piled by the garage door.

“You all got to work early,” I say to the boys.

Jake rubs his eyes. “Not us. East felt bad about leaving us with the mess, so he cleaned before he left.”

“Nice.”

“Is it just me, or has he been acting weird since the draft?” Jake asks.

Carter squeezes his eyes shut. “He’s acting like he doesn’t want to go. Which is ridiculous.”

“It’s just a lot. I think he’s still processing,” I say.

Carter frowns at me. “Since when are you two besties?”

“We’re not besties. I’m just a good listener.”

Carter grunts and mumbles something about how I’d better be “listening and nothing more,” and my cheeks heat.

I don’t want to pay for your sexual favors for the same reason you don’t want a pity kiss.

Maybe that just means he doesn’t want to pay for sex. Maybe I’m being a naive girl with a crush to think it means he wants me.

Shay

December 31st, eight months later

Easton’s home.

I’ve never felt shy around him, but tonight I watch him play cards at the kitchen table with my brothers and feel weird about saying a simple hello. The sound of laughter and clinking of beer bottles fills my family’s vacation cabin. A fire roars in the living room. As far as New Year’s Eve parties go, this one is pretty tame. My brothers and a handful of their friends from school, Easton, and as of ten minutes ago . . . me. I’m standing just outside the kitchen, fidgeting with my purse, and wondering if I should have come at all. I don’t think anyone’s noticed I’m here. I’m sure Easton hasn’t, not when there’s a girl with big boobs, blond hair, and a tiny waist standing behind him and giggle-whispering in his ear.