‘Oh, no, that isn’t what he says. It’s what I say.’ She hastily adds, ‘And lucky to have Zac too, of course. But marriage . . . don’t ever let anyone tell you it’s easy.’

‘I don’t think anyone ever has.’ I picture my parents’ wedding photo. They look so shining and joyful, despite my grandmother’s sour presence. Did they find it easy? I will never know. Is that why I am the way I am, always trying to find things out, to compensate for knowledge that is impossibly out of my reach?

Eliza looks down at her own lap, laces and unlaces her fingers. ‘Previous relationships, they form you, don’t they? Set your behaviours.’

‘They do.’

‘The things that went wrong with Zac’s previous girlfriend have made him’ – she searches for the right word – ‘extra-protective.’ Is she doing this on purpose? If she is, she is a wonderful actress. It isn’t lost on me that I could have said this very thing of Jane.

‘That must be hard on you both. Did he ever tell you what those things were? That went wrong, I mean.’ I’m not a bad actress either. That I can be so calm, so normal-seeming and unreactive, is amazing even to me.

She shakes her head. ‘He won’t talk about her. He says it’s too painful. Won’t even speak her name. She – I think she may have killed herself – as best as I can piece it together. I do feel so sorry for her, but – you’ll think I’m a horrible person if I tell you this.’

‘I’m sure I won’t.’

She takes a deep breath. ‘It’s hard, knowing I’m his second choice.’

‘I’m sure you’re not, but I’ve felt that too, before.’ Saying this makes me remember my initial jealousy of Jane. I can’t let myself harden towards Eliza, who may also be desperate for help. At the same time, I can’t trust her, either. How do I remain open, between these two states of mind? ‘I’m sure he loves you in your own right.’

She lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug. ‘That’s what I try to tell myself. I’ve searched for information about her. All I found was a folder of medical articles. Mostly they were about breaches of electronic patient records – he was enraged by some scandal with that. But a few were about suicide in young women – he admitted he had them because of her, but that’s all I’ve ever got out of him. I’ve even gone through his drawers – I know it’s wrong.’