He was shouting, and rattling the handle to try to break the lock. His face must have been right against the wood. ‘What you’re doing to me is hateful,’ he said.

I took my smartphone from my handbag and examined it. Had he put a tracker on it? Spyware? I couldn’t think of any other way for him to find me. It would explain why the battery had been bleeding out lately – I’d been telling myself it was what happened to phones after a few years, to get you to buy a new model. I decided to reinstall the operating system as soon as I could – that should remove anything.

‘I’m out here waiting for you.’ He had changed tack, using the patient, disappointed voice of a reasonable adult speaking to a toddler in the grip of a tantrum. ‘Still here.’ I pictured him sitting at the edge of the bed, staring at the bathroom door.

I put the phone away and took off the rest of my clothes, adding them to the messy pile on the floor. I used a towel to clear the mist from the looking glass, then stared at myself, fascinated by the vivid blue veins criss-crossing my breasts like roads on a pale map. I pressed one of them lightly, astonished by how tender and swollen it was. My breasts had grown a whole size.

As I stepped into the shower, something caught my eye. My pale pink underclothes, the last things I took off, were at the top of the pile, and they were spotted red with blood.

After I screamed Zac’s name and struggled to get the door unlocked and he crashed into the bathroom to find me completely hysterical. After Zac drove me to the hospital and then used his magic to get them to take me to the closed obstetric clinic to scan me. After we cried to see our baby’s beating heart and perfectly human profile where I expected only a blob. After Zac said that it must be a girl because she was beautiful and looked exactly like me. After they told me that bleeding in pregnancy was common, and the baby’s heartbeat and size meant that we were statistically likely to have a good outcome. After Zac made me promise not to run around again on dark and stormy nights. After I promised not to fight him, and to let him look after me. After I refused to quit my job but agreed to go part-time. After he promised that he wouldn’t let anything happen to our baby, and made me believe him. After all of those things happened, I fell asleep in his arms.

Now
The Excursion

Two years and three months later

Bath, Tuesday, 2 April 2019