“What does he even have to be worried about? Life isn’t hard when you look like him.”

Neda puts her hand on my shoulder and says, “Good-looking people have anxiety, too, sis. I bet even Gabriela does.”

“Oh my God! So now I’m ugly and mentally unstable. Honestly, why does everyone need to remind me that Gabs is beautiful and I’m not? It’s not like I haven’t been reminded of it since the moment we became friends.”

Alas, our sibling honeymoon phase was bound to come to an end. Before Neda can explain or apologize, I grab my blanket, head up the stairs, and slam my door shut. I’m relieved to be alone, but the walls in my bedroom suddenly feel like they’re constricting, and the floor feels like it’s spinning under my feet. Air, I need air. I hurry out to the balcony, plop down on the chair, and let the crisp night air quiet my nerves. But when I close my eyes, I’m transported to a bathroom stall in the PE locker room, and I’m crying into my hands. I can hear Coach Stacy describe Gabriela as the spitting image of a young JLo. She doesn’t even ask if Gabs can do a backflip or keep rhythm or plaster on a fake smile as she tries to persuade her to join the cheer team. (For the record, she can do a backflip and keep rhythm, and no, she can’t fake smile.)

When I finally did emerge from the bathroom, I felt relief when Gabs told me she turned down the offer, but I was still jealous. I wanted to be the one to have something offered to me based purely on my appearance. The memory drifts away as I open my eyes and try to focus on the stars glittering above me. Gabs and I used to sit out here, look up at the sky, and make up dirty constellation names. The Big D and the Little D. Vagittarius. Assopeia.

What makes Gabriela so magnetic is that she has the personality to back up her looks, but even I was drawn to her face right out of the gate. We met in homeroom on the first day of freshman year. I told her I loved her hair, and she told me she loved my earrings. She didn’t go to the middle school that fed into our high school, so I was the only friend she had at Winchester. And even though we were instantly inseparable, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was just a stepping stone. A temporary solution to her loneliness and that, eventually, Gabs would be recruited by the cool kids and she would leave me. Now I’m less afraid of that and more afraid that she will abandon me for Wes.