I look down at the paper and read my grandmother’s words.

Forgive me. I don’t know exactly what to say. Only that I’m sorry that I’ve already missed so much of your life and that I didn’t even know you existed. I’m so ashamed. I’m so sorry. I’m afraid I was not a good mother. I’ve known for a long time that I made the wrong decision. I’ve known for a long time that I did the wrong thing, but I was too proud to go find her. To go find them. I didn’t think Julia would want to see me, but that’s not a good excuse. I blamed Elena for turning her against us. But I’m the mother. I was the one who was supposed to love unconditionally.

Gabriela… it’s a beautiful name. Gabriel was my father’s name. He died when I was a teenager, and Julia knew how much I loved him and how much it hurt to lose him. He was an artist. He taught me to paint. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I’m nervous. Your friend is sweet, but she’s also a little intense, and I’m speaking in Spanish because this is private. Between me and you. She thinks this video might help you feel better and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. But I’d rather tell you all this face-to-face. I’m so sorry. I always wanted grandkids. I will pray for your recovery. I will do everything in my power to make up for lost time. Until we meet in person, Gabriela…

I press PLAY on the video and watch it again, wondering if it’ll have more of an impact now that I know exactly what she’s saying. But it doesn’t. The words feel strangely hollow. I thought maybe I’d get some closure, but instead I have more questions than answers. The ball, I decide, is in her court. It’s always been in her court. And now that she knows I’m alive and that I exist, it’s up to her to grovel in person. Life is too fragile to be the only one who makes themselves vulnerable. Forgiveness, I’ve decided, is overrated. Self-preservation is not.

Parisa

Are you home yet?

Gabriela

I’m home!

Wes

YES!!!!

Parisa

I wish we could be there with you!

Gabriela

Me too. You’re here in spirit. I wouldn’t have gotten through this without you guys.

Wes

Well, I’m already planning a trip back home, so we can see each other. I miss you so much! I miss everything about you.

Parisa

EWWW. GET A ROOM, GUYS.

Wes

I’m sorry. I’m just happy we finally have a group thread going again.

Gabriela

Me too! Threesome strong!

Parisa