It doesn’t matter if Gideon is here or in New Haven or in Siberia. He will still only be a little box on my computer screen, and I think that’s for the best. I drop the name of my favorite fear-of-flying podcast in the chat to help keep him calm on his flight home and suggest he wear two masks and a face shield. And then I quickly say good night. The details of his story float around in my head while I lay in bed. Did he read it to me so I’d ask if it was about me and Neda? Before I can decide, there’s a knock on my door.

“Yeah? Come in.”

The knob turns, and a tired Neda sticks her head in. She looks at me, suspect.

“Did I hear you talking to Gideon?”

“Oh, um. Yeah. He had a question about a book thing,” I lie.

“Okay… It’s just kind of weird that you guys are still talking, ’cause, like, Mom and Dad already paid him for his help with your college essay.”

Do you know that feeling when someone reveals a truth that completely changes your perception of a situation? Like, when my parents made us watch The Sixth Sense, and at the end, I wanted to go back and watch it all over again. Well, that’s what I’m doing in my head with every interaction I had with Gideon. All those nights. All those debates. All the ways I confided in him and he confided in me. And he was getting paid by my parents? I can’t wait to tell Gabriela. I can’t wait to tell her how wrong she was when she thought something shady was going on. It was all transactional. My interactions with Gideon were about as real as my conversations with Bonnie the therapist.

“Well, don’t worry. I’m gonna invoice him for the help I gave him tonight,” I manage to reply.

Neda smirks, then says good night and goes back to her room. Shit, I think, as I lay in my bed, heartbroken and wide-awake. It’s going to be really hard to get out of bed in the morning.

Parisa

BITCH, IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!

You’re eighteen! You can vote! And, like, legally have sex.

Gabriela

LOL. Thank you!

Quarantine birthdays are weird AF. It doesn’t feel real.

Parisa

Did you get your presents?? Neda dropped them off for me.

Gabriela

YES! OMG! I basically have enough art supplies to last me a year now. You’re amazing. Thank you!

Parisa

I know you’ve been rationing. And anyway, it’s all selfish. It’s cause I want another Gabriela Gonzales original.

SOOOOO what are you doing for your birthday???

Gabriela

Getting Katie’s with my moms and watching a movie. So effing boring. Such is life.

But also… I’m afraid to tell you.

Parisa

WHAT???

Gabriela

Swear you won’t judge me?