As he dives into conversation and I listen to the animated tenor in his voice, I find myself wondering why I ever questioned my feelings for him. The pandemic has given me too much time to analyze and reexamine my life. If I was still existing in the grind of going to school, waiting tables at Katie’s, coming home and making dinner, doing my homework, and falling asleep just to do it all over again—chances are I wouldn’t even have the bandwidth to question my feelings about Wes. Stillness can really wreak havoc on your brain. But if I’m really going to be honest? I’ve always been a little fickle. Not just with guys, but with most things. That’s one of the characteristics I truly envy about Parisa. For better or worse, she’s always known what she wants out of life. She never wavers. The main thing I want in life is to… figure out what I want.

“So, did that cheer you up?”

I nod. Wes has just finished explaining to me all the ways we could contest an eviction notice if one were to ever show up on our door. We are officially two months behind on our rent, and at the slow rate we’re making money, there’s no catching up. Wes’s dad is a lawyer and said he’d be happy to give us any legal advice if a day comes that we need it.

“Does your dad know we’re together?” I ask.

Wes starts to blush and looks down at his feet. I can tell by the upward movement of his cheekbones that he’s smiling. When there’s a mask covering half a person’s face, you have to look a little harder to decipher their emotions.

“Yeah, he knows.”

“And… what does he think?”

“He’s happy for me. For us. Do your moms know?”

“Yeah, it took me a while, but I told them.”

Wes’s cheekbones return to their resting position.

“Oh… Why did it take you so long to tell them?” he asks.

Herein lies the problem with relationships that begin the way Wes and I began. He was the one who was in love with me for years, and I was the one who “came around,” for lack of a better term. The hint of betrayal in his tone makes me scared that he will always have doubts about how I feel about him, and that in turn I might eventually find it exhausting to reassure him.

“It’s not like that, Wes. My relationship with them is complicated sometimes. I don’t always want them knowing everything about my personal life. They hover, a lot.”