I resent the fact that my parents already gave Bonnie an overview of my life and problems. It’s annoying that she has enough context for me that she can ask me about subjects I don’t care to discuss. It all seems a bit unethical, but the regular rules don’t always apply when Persians are dealing with other Persians.

“What do you want to know?” I ask.

“Well, from what I heard, you hadn’t left your house in a long time until you decided to drive to see Gabriela. She must be pretty important to you.”

I nod. I’m not a good enough liar to downplay how much Gabs means to me.

“She’s really important,” I say. My voice breaks unexpectedly. I hate it when my emotions take me by surprise, and the timing right now is especially inconvenient. I’ve been trying to appear as confident and stoic as possible in front of Bonnie.

“You miss her.”

She states it like a fact and not a question. I don’t trust myself to answer without crying, so I just nod my head. Bonnie smiles and nods in return. We stare at each other in silence for what feels like an entire minute. It’s so unbearable that I force myself to take a deep breath and attempt to talk, tears be damned.

“Gabs is my best friend. Sometimes I feel like she’s my only friend.”

“Is it hard not to see her right now?”

The question has only one answer. Yes. It’s excruciating. I could tell Bonnie the truth and use the last fifteen minutes of our session to confide about the ups and downs of my friendship with Gabriela. All the reasons I love her and all the reasons I’m jealous of her. All the ways we are alike and different. I could open up about the fight we had when I forwarded her that email from Gideon. I could admit that I take pride in having a friend as stunning as Gabriela, but that it’s also painful to be the less attractive one.

I could tell Bonnie that when Gabs told me the other day that she and Wes have been seeing each other in person, I was consumed with jealousy. It felt like all my greatest fears were suddenly confirmed. They had their own relationship now. One that I couldn’t be part of. Andrew is gone forever, and they’re in love and I’m alone. Lately, I could just as easily imagine a day when I’m the maid of honor at Gabs’s wedding and a day when we’re not close enough anymore for me even to be invited. But I don’t divulge any of that to Bonnie. I’m not ready.

“It is hard. Before lockdown happened, my parents caught us drinking and getting high… but…” I trail off on purpose.

“Go on,” Bonnie says.