only a cruel bastard would laugh

i just stare

but

from the mouth down—all loud CRACK BANG

forgetting the arc and the swing

forgetting

the

wrist

a lover’s movement

like stroking the hair from a neck

all naked and bent

CRASH THUD

music notes fall from a scale

ears bleed

radios yuck out

and your word

saying all that

high-end bells

and

hijacked and

all of a suddened

but

pah rum pah pum pum

goes that thud and

crack

and

all i hear is

that sound

like a beaten man’s door slam

all the way to the broke bank

and music

not so much

but you will always say it was me

who worked it like a working girl would

who couldn’t stand it alone

I held the bastards back

at the gate

leaving myself hostage

while you stood with your finger in your mouth

staring blankly into the surf

like you were born

into helpless children

forever faceless and forever slow

and

that is totally why i left

our submarine so empty of dreams

i slept

to the words

and you stood helpless

to the sounds

because

you were never really listening

in the first place

so much night

music missing

in the light

underneath us and lights-out

and

our dreams went silent

and

our dreams went south

Help

Help

help i think i went HELP skin was screaming

skin, my skin was SCREAMING something

rashes and welts

and

bad bad gas

awful simply, i was going through some kind of hell

i am so serious

so so

serious

all this and an alley cat and christmas is coming

christmas is coming

ah fuck

ah fuck

i was sitting on the airplane and i knew something

was funny my hands are numb

fever broke

and

now i know it is cold

although my chest still hurts and my stomach it is hurt bad

maybe got holes in it

chest might got holes in it

ear canals have holes in them,

i can’t hear, breathe all that well or welt well

i don’t welt well

i panic

and

i am far too vain

vanity becomes me like you have no idea, seriously

just a bastard inside, i am, about all that

am i dressing it too down

am i

i always dress down

i am too beautiful for you.

help.

so help,

right?

haha

no way.

no fucking way can you,

can you?

haha

help.

you fall for that one every time.

White Diamond

White Diamond

Lots of things make noise,

even nights

can make all that noise

so i stopped building noise factories inside my house

typing away into the void,

into the hurricanes

i stopped

building yapping machines out of strangers

and letting in the gas from the dream cemetery

swamps

that noise sounded funny

then bad

like a scream for help

if it was helpless fast

so i quit

into the hurricane

i stopped looking at those ghost pictures and